Norwitz Notions

A couple of years ago, I came up with a glorious recipe for fried fish minus gluten, dairy, or egg.  Everyone I made this for loved it, but boy was it a pain to make.  Not just the breading, but standing over a hot frying fan (or two) for about an hour.  And I’m not a lowfatter but it really did suck up the oil too.

Welcome to the new and improved version.  Now I bake the fish in the oven, which reduces the oil use but still leaves it crispy, and cuts the time I spend in the kitchen way down.  Plus now I can make 4 meals at once.

Just like before, you want to choose a flat boneless fillet.  I’ve tried several, but really can’t get better than dover sole.  It’s reasonably sustainable, wild caught, sold boneless, and cheap.  I usually buy it at Costco (can’t vouch for all branches, but mine has a excellent fish counter).

Dover sole washed and drying

The basic directions are to take fresh (or defrosted) fish that is reasonably dry (I always rinse fish before using), coat it in flour, coat it in “egg,” and coat it in flour again.  It really makes a big difference to do the double coating, so I recommend you don’t skip it.  I use the same container of flour for both dips, you could do different ones if you wanted…some people do a fine flour for the first dip and a coarse one for the second.  Use a large roasting pan for the flour.  The 2-3″ lip helps keep the mess down and the large size lets you work with 7 or 8 pieces of fish at once.

It helps a lot to have a wet hand and a dry hand.  I use my right hand to lay the fish on the flour and turn it over, then I use my left hand to dump more flour on the fish to make sure it’s fully coated as I pile them up to one side of the container.  You can follow my suggestions of plates from my old recipe, but I’ve found that to be an unnecessary step.

Next I use my right hand to dip each piece one at a time in the “egg” and let it drip before laying it in the flour and turning it over.  The dry left hand piles flour on top to make sure everything is coated.

The Flour:

In the past I used half soy flour and half brown rice flour plus salt (a tsp or two for every 3 cups) and pepper.  The soy cuts down on the carbs but is too heavy alone.  Brown rice works well but is very carby.  This makes a nice but thin coating.

Then I started using cornmeal, the standard fine grind from Arrowhead or Whole Foods.  Because it isn’t as fine as flour, I do 3 parts cornmeal to 1 part brown rice flour.  Plus salt and pepper.  This batter is slightly thicker and has a nice flavor.

Azure Standard sells a corn flour which turns out to be an actual flour grind.  It gives a thin coating to the fish and isn’t very good on its own.  They also sell a medium grind cornmeal which turns out to be pretty coarse.  Not quite as coarse as polenta but way beyond “meal.”  My last fish batch was about 3 parts medium cornmeal and 1 part corn flour.  Came out thick and very good.  And the “scones” I made with the leftover flour was fabulous.

Do experiment with flours if you don’t like, or can’t have, my choices.  Heck, even wheat.

I’ve changed my seasoning too.  I still use salt and pepper but add cumin powder and paprika.  You can’t taste them in the final product but it gives it a depth and richness it lacked before.

The Egg:

You can use real egg here if you want.  But we use flaxseed, which works very well.  Heat up water and add well ground flax seeds (I use a way oversized glass measuring cup in the microwave).  Stir and let cool.  The standard amount is 1/3 cup water to one tablespoon of meal equals one egg.  I usually make a bunch of eggs worth and then add more water as I get down to the bottom.  I find that a thinner “egg” coating works better on the fish.

Amounts:

Plan on around 1/2 pound of fish per person (measured before coating).  This is an average for children and adults.  A group of just adults will eat more.

It’s very hard to give the amount of flour mix because it varies so much based on how thick the fish fillets are (it’s surface area that counts, not weight), how coarse your grains are (coarser ones weigh less per cup due to more airspace and also make a thicker batter), and your technique.  Count on at least 3 cups of flour mix per 5 lbs of thin fish.  But I add extra to make hushpuppies with.

About 6 eggs or egg equivalent will do 5 lbs of thin fish.  For flax I usually use 6-8 tablespoons of flaxmeal to 2 cups of water, then add 1-2 cups as I go along.  Since I like it thinner, this is enough for 7-9 lbs of fish.  Plan to have extra for hush puppies.

I like to make 9 lbs of fish at a time.  It’s not that much more work than making 4 or 5 lbs but it’s about all I can handle.  Fried this would be way too hard, but baking makes it easy.  I generally bake up 1/4 of it then freeze the rest, for an additional 3-4 meals for 3 people (each time we usually have a serving or two leftover for lunch the next day).

Ingredients:

Dover sole fillets
Seasoned flour mix
Beaten eggs or flax goo
Oil for baking (I use olive)

Baking the Fish:

Coat the fish in flour, dip in egg/flax, coat again in flour, shake off excess and put on a cookie sheet with a good deal of olive oil on it (just enough that it moves around when you tilt the pan).  Do not use baking pans.  The fish will not crisp up.  Use sheets that are flat or have a lip no higher than an inch.

Bake at 400*F until the bottom is browning nicely.  Flip fish over and brown the other side.  Take care not to burn it or let it get too brown.  But you want it crispy.

Freezing the Fish:

Coat the fish in flour, dip in egg/flax, coat again in flour, shake off excess and put on a cookie sheet or baking pan with a piece of parchment or waxed paper on the bottom.  Do not use oil.  The fish can touch but should not overlap.  You can make 3-4 layers of fish as long as there is parchment or waxed paper between each layer.  Stick in freezer.

In theory, you can move the fish to zipper bags once frozen, but we’ve never bothered.  You will want to do this if your freezer gets freezer burn easily though.

When you want to cook them, just remove from freezer.  No need to defrost.  Put the fish (minus the paper!) on a well oiled cookie sheet and bake at 400*F as per above.

Frozen battered fish, direct from freezer (right) or ready for the oven (left)

Leftover Batter:

I’ll make a separate hush puppy post at some point.  I make mine more like scones and they are fabulous.  Mix the leftover flax goo or egg with the leftover flour mix.  Add water or milk (I’ve used soy milk to good effect) or more flour until the batter is thick enough to only partially hold its shape on a pan.  Add more seasoning (dill weed, dill or cumin seeds, chipotle pepper powder are all good) and a pinch of baking soda.  Bake on an olive oil coated pan until fully cooked but not too hard.

Recipe for Tarter Sauce:

Relish (I prefer dill but sweet is fine)
Veganaise or mayonnaise (1-3 times the relish)
A squeeze of fresh lemon
A bit of salt

Serving the Fish:

Serve with tarter sauce and lemon slices (or catsup if you’re like my daughter).  The fish is delicious with coleslaw but goes well with a wide variety of vegetables.

Leftover fish is great cold or heated.

Oven Fried Dover Sole with tarter sauce and roasted vegetables

Reading reviews of Lemongrass Thai Cuisine, I’m shocked by how many people love it.  Did we go to the same place?  Did they change chefs?  Are all the reviewers blown away by anything a step above fast food?

Lemongrass Thai Cuisine
109 N McDowell Ave, Petaluma, CA 94954
(707) 789-9777

As we perused the menu, the waitress brought us a bowl of styrofoam.  I mean shrimp chips.  In pretty colors.  With dip.  I asked if there was egg (my daughter is quite allergic) and she was sure there was not but offered to show us the box.  She was right but, given they were from a box and the list of artificial food dyes in them was longer than the list of the other ingredients, we asked her to take it away.

We started with the coconut soup, or at least we tried to.

Tom Kha, “coconut soup based seasoned with lime juice, kaffir lime leaves, mushrooms, onions, and carrots.”  $8.50 for a large (ordered with 3 bowls) plus $2 for “prawns.”  It was served with the rest of the meal, not in the 15 minutes or so while we were waiting.  It came with no bowls and the only spoon was a soup spoon, nothing to serve with.

I love coconut soup and order it whenever I get the chance.  Picking out all the pieces of roots and leaves that make up the complex flavors is part of the fun.  Except there weren’t any.  No flavors from them either.  The mushrooms were white button, cut in half, the onions were undercooked slices of plain yellow onion, and the carrots were flavorless and too uniformly cut (with scallops) to be house prepped.  There were at least a fair number of shrimp (does keeping the tails on turn them into prawns?) for the $2.

How do you make coconut soup?  I imagine fresh coconut milk seeped in herbs and spices and tangy from lime.  I don’t know what recipe Lemongrass used but it was something like: open cans of coconut milk, add to pot with several cups of sugar, add vegetables, cook until light gel stage.  I make coconut ice cream with canned coconut milk and the soup was actually sweeter.  Finally, I gave up and asked for fish sauce (which came in a small bowl, tasting mostly of water and salt)  and dumped it, plus the “hot” sauce from Michael’s dish into my soup bowl, but nothing cut through all that sugar.

Unfortunately, I also ordered a peanut sauce dish.  I expect this to be sweet, but it should fundamentally be savory, with complex flavors.  Like the soup, it felt more like dessert.

Pad Peanut Sauce, “stir fried mixed vegetables and fried tofu with peanut sauce.”  $8.50.

More of the same mushrooms, carrots, and onions, plus some welcome nicely cooked green beans, red bell pepper, pod peas, and a bit of raw cabbage.  No sprouts, no chopped peanuts, just some cilantro and a slice of orange.  We knew this version didn’t come with noodles and we asked for all our dishes to be egg free. The sauce was not thick or cloying, like I feared, but the overwhelming flavor was sugar.

We fared a bit better with the other two dishes.  Miriam of course wanted some chicken.

Barbecue Chicken Rice Pot, “vegetarian fried rice, with sliced barbecue chicken on top.”  $10.50.

Miriam loved the soup and tofu (such a sad comparison to when she was a toddler sucking on a piece of ginger pulled from a bowl of soup at a different, better, Thai restaurant) and ate plenty.  She claimed to enjoy this dish but barely touched it.  Michael says the chicken was pretty good, though a little bit–surprise–sweet.

The oddity was the rice.  Since we saw brown rice on the menu we asked if they could use it here, done with no egg.  Yes, we’ll give you steamed brown rice.  We don’t want steamed rice, we said, the menu says stir fried.  They promised they would do it, in a freshly washed pan.  So what did we get? steamed white rice with raisins.  I’m not joking…raisins.  Had I noticed this early enough I would have sent it back.

Michael’s dish was the best of the night, though not for him.

Prig Pow Seafood, “prawns, calamari, mussels, scallops, and sole.  Sauteed with vegetables in dry chili paste.”  $12.95.

Since it was Father’s Day, I encouraged him to order the dish the way he liked it, even if no one else would touch it.  So he asked the waitress (a different one from above) to make it extremely hot.  What followed was a comedy of sorts.  So no spice? she asked.  No, I want spice, make it the way you would for a Thai person, not an American.  So do you want spice or no spice?  Very spicy, he insisted.  He ended up with a nice bowl of seafood, some beans, peas, carrot, and cilantro, in a sweet mildly spicy sauce.  Mild enough for me to pour into my soup and onto my plate.  At least it had a flavor beyond sugar.

Most of the reviews I’ve seen talk about the wonderful friendly service.  Again, I have to wonder if we went to the same restaurant.  The waitresses were nice enough, and always topped up our water, but they messed up the soup and didn’t provide serving utensils for all the dishes (plus included a steak knife with the already sliced chicken). There were no condiments and it took some doing just to get fish sauce.

Our primary waitress laughed, actually laughed, each time we asked for something or made a comment.  I am sure it was just a nervous titter over her English being so poor she didn’t understand us, but my mind couldn’t help interpreting it as rude.  This is how we ended up with things like mild vs hot spices or the disaster which they called rice.  Instead of telling us she didn’t understand, or grabbing the other waitress (which she did at times), she nodded and told us it was fine.

My guess is that other reviewers have both a higher sugar tolerance than we do (it’s the next day and my head is still buzzing) and happened to hit the better dishes but miss the awful ones.  In fairness, it’s a huge menu and we only had 4 dishes.  If we hadn’t had the soup, we probably wouldn’t be panning the place so badly.  The food was cooked well.  The problem was the ingredients.

Menu Pages:

Page 1 – Page 2 – Page 3 – Page 4 – Page 5 – Page 6 – Page 7 – Wine

Quick, name some fermented foods.  What did you come up with?  Beer? wine? cheese? pickles?  Let’s not forget yoghurt, kefir, sauerkraut, miso, kombucha, natto, tempeh, vinegar, and bread.  These and more were the focus of the second annual Freestone Fermentation Festival in Sonoma County, California, May 15, 2010.

This was my first time at this “low-waste, alcohol free, pet free, smoke free and must have fun event.”  I went with my blogging friend Laureen Hudson, her daughter (Michael stayed in Petaluma with Miriam and Aurora’s big brothers), and Laureen’s friend Lisa.

Held at the beautiful and green Salmon Creek School (pause a moment to lament that we don’t live near enough for my daughter to attend a school with such clean air and lack of chemical stink), it was a mix of hippie aesthetic with practical advice, local businesses, and of course samples galore.

Fermentation roughly falls into two categories: dead and alive.  This event covered both.  Alcohol and bread are the two best examples of the former.  You can’t make them without fermentation (excluding things like crackers or tortillas) but we eat them for the taste and general nutrition (and they preserve foods without winter or electricity).  There are few to no probiotics.  Probiotics are what make ferments live.  You eat these for all the usual reasons but also for the nutritional powerhouse of the yeasts and bacteria.  Yoghurt, kefir, krauts, and pickles are the best known live ferments (though they aren’t always sold live).

As regular readers of my blog know, I make a variety of vegetable ferments (krauts and pickles).  And I long to make more.  I’ve tried my hand at coconut yoghurt and have plans to make water kefir next.  Another project on my list is dairy-free cheese (something pungent, like blue).

Many attendees lamented the lack of alcohol at a festival dedicated in part to its production.  But there were workshops covering spirits; my guess is logistical concerns kept out the samples.  Cheese (from cow, sheep, or goat milk) was another large component.  Since dairy and I don’t get along well, I had to skip that part.  No one there makes non-dairy cheese but I will make this my mission to find out how.

The Beverage People in Santa Rosa has classes and equipment/ingredients for sale for a wide variety of fermented products, but their specialities are beer, wine, and cheese.  My friend Gabe Jackson, who works there, even made us a case and a half of blackberry wine (picked from our garden–and yes, a post on that is coming!).  He’s promised to keep his eyes open for information on non-dairy cheesemaking.  His dairy cheese class at the festival was a big hit.

I attended classes on sauerkraut and pickle making, both with demos and fairly straightforward advice for beginners.  Kathryn Lukas, the owner of The Farmhouse Culture, demonstrated a simple cabbage ferment.  The woman next to me sounded peals of joy when Kathryn said don’t bother to pound your cabbage, just massage it a bit with salt to release the juices.  Since it had never occurred to me to pound my veggies, I just smiled, but now I wonder what I do that isn’t necessary or what little things I might be missing.  Kraut making is pretty easy, but there is a lot that can go wrong too.

Another thing that that hadn’t occurred to me was the sugar content of the vegetables.  Usually with ferments sugar is a good thing, even necessary, as it feeds the yeasts.  But *aha moment* what makes krauts go off often is the yeasts gaining control; krauts and pickles are a bacterial ferment, not so much yeast.

Most of our kraut is red onion.  Most of the time it comes out fabulous.  Once in a while we get an unwelcome surprise.  I asked Kathryn her opinion and she said it was likely the sugar in the onions.  Which can vary a lot.  I don’t know how to fix this…can I add some acid?  Can I measure the sugar to know which onions to avoid?  I don’t want to mix with large amounts of other vegetables.

Kathryn says to keep your vegetable blends no less than 75% cabbage so they come out well every time.  That works great for kim chee, which I also make, but sometimes you want something different.  I asked her if there was a chart of different buggies (desirable and undesirable) but she didn’t know of one.  I would find that very helpful, since I know what my off ferments look/smell/taste like and could match the bugs.

Jill Nussinow (the “Veggie Queen“) taught pickles.  These should be easy but even more can go wrong than with krauts.  I’ve made cucumber pickles and had one fantastic batch, a couple okay batches, and one batch we couldn’t eat.  Turnip pickles were so-so and tomato pickles were a total fail (though I sat near someone who said her green tomato pickles come out great, so I’ll give it another try).  Cool temperatures seem to be pretty important (you can get away with summer temps with kraut) and so is good technique.  Other than that, I’m not exactly sure why mine fail so often.

This very expensive crook was much touted at the festival.  What do the experts say? does it make better kraut or pickles?  The answer is no, but it does make it a lot easier.  You still have to weigh down the veggies (you never want them to contact air); this crock does come with weights.  But apparently when you fill the outside rim with water and put on the lid, you get a seal that lets CO2 leave without letting air in.  So less chance of trouble.

In addition to the pricey rimmed crock, Cultivate in Sebastopol had a variety of crocks and other equipment, at decent prices.

One ferment I’ve been wanting to make for a while is water kefir.  Dairy kefir is pretty common and makes a drink similar to liquid yoghurt, though the buggies are totally different.  Instead of using a bit as a starter, like you do with yoghurt, you strain and save the kefir grains, which are like tapioca.  You put the grains into your new liquid and go again.  The grains will multiply with time so there are plenty to share.

You can use dairy kefir grains in a non-dairy liquid and they will turn into water kefir grains.  It’s the same minus a few cultures that only reproduce with dairy.  So you can’t make dairy kefir with water kefir grains.

Water kefir is delicious and can be made fizzy or flat.  Apple juice is a common base, so is coconut water (not to be confused with coconut milk).  But you can make it with water too, as long as you add some sugar to feed the yeastie beasties.  Like with all ferments, the bugs eat the sugar and you’re left with a low (or at least lower) carb product.

The folks at Cleansing Ministries Rejuvenation Center in Santa Rosa gave a demonstration on making ginger root beer water kefir.  I can’t wait to make it.  Once I get my hands on some water kefir grains, I’ll blog the full recipe and my results.  Miriam adores kefired apple juice, which she had at a friend’s once, but I am allergic to raw apples and apple juice and found that the symptoms kicked in after too many samples of apple ginger kefir.

Nowhere could you see the hippie/mainstream dichotomy of the festival better than by looking at the water kefir demo and the “Fermented Foods and your health” talk. Karen Miller-Youst admonished us not to make kefir in a room where there had been anger and Dr. John La Puma gave us isolated sounds bites about the medical wonders of fermented foods.

John started us off with his credentials (part his resume and part the famous people he’s worked with), accompanied by a glossy flyer advertising his book.  The flyer was similar to the talk, filled with little tips like “cooked carrots and cooked tomatoes are better for you than raw” (something that is not only banal but wrong: soft or ground carrots make it easier to get the nutrients out but raw whole ones still have them and there is exactly one nutrient, lycopene, in tomatoes that is present in higher amounts when cooked, not exactly a reason to give up raw produce).

But onward to the talk.  What would you consider the number one reason to eat live fermented foods?  John’s was that probiotics lower the incidence of antibiotic-induced diarrhea (he even said it twice and had it on a slide).  Yep, it’s true, but…  His other reasons were about how probiotics are good for various gut conditions.  Also true.  But very allopathic.  You can’t be a doctor unless you treat disease, and all bodily workings are mostly separate from each other.  Right? Not really.

Granted, I left the talk before the end (the room was giving me a headache, the only problem I had in the building), but not once did I hear him say anything about the normal role ferments play in human health.  How every traditional culture has them in spades.  How they exist in nature as well and are part of non-agricultural societies cuisines.  How they work and why they are not just “healthy” things we can eat but essential to keeping our bodies balanced.

Fortunately, the organizers and attendees in Freestone needed no convincing.  The emphasis was on how to get more ferments in our lives, not why.  A nice playground and a butterfly ride for the kids, tons of samples (I could could have drunk Farmhouse Culture’s pickle juice all day), foods for sale, and live music rounded out the day.  I’ll be back next year!

I’ve written poetry since I was small, then heavily in my teens and twenties, including many public readings.  But after some experiences 15 years ago, for some reason, I put down my poetry pen and mostly wrote essay-style works.

Yesterday morning I woke with a poem on the brain.  And wanted to share it.

Suddenly Fall

The signs are small
In the land of sun.
Morning’s chill wind,
Fog’s shattered tears,
The angle of shadows.

Here, from my window
That does not open,
I see only the sun
Rising and setting.
As if the universe goes on.

Inside this room
My body heals
And my mind stalks my soul
Demanding why? why? why?

Ripped from me too soon
Was the sun.
Placed into a world of air
Where he flickered and dimmed
Unable to accept the wind.

Yet outside the seasons turned
Without my knowing.
Till finally I walked outside
Into the cold slap of Fall.
Alone.

(For my son William, born September 28, 2009 by emergency c-section, and died a few hours later due to under-development of the lungs.)

Riddle: What is harder than taking care of a baby after having major surgery?

This will be my last pregnancy update.

I was 36 weeks pregnant on Saturday, September 26, 2009.  40 weeks is the “due date” and 37 weeks is considered “full term.”  But 36 weeks is considered safe and close enough to full term.  It is the minimum gestation to have a home birth, which is what I was planning.

The pregnancy was very very hard on me with lots of fatigue and discomfort, but was going quite well from all other ways of looking at it.  The baby was growing at just the right rate.  He moved a lot and his heartbeat was always perfect.  I had an ultrasound at 20 weeks which showed he was a boy and that everything looked normal. My blood pressure was 110/60 or a bit less every time.  My last midwife appt was Wednesday before this all happened and my blood pressure was normal, along with everything else.

On Sunday, he only kicked and moved twice, at 11am and 6pm, no matter how much I poked and prodded.  And each of those times it was weak and short-lived.  When his position dropped a week and a half earlier (normal pre-birth occurrence), his movement also decreased but he checked out fine and started kicking at normal levels shortly afterward.  So I kept telling myself it was nothing.

Sunday night was the start of Yom Kippur services and we were at synagogue.  When services were over around 10pm, I went to one of the members who was a doctor and got her advice.  She said to call my midwife immediately.  I did and the midwife said to head directly to the ER.  The ER close to our house isn’t very home birth friendly and doesn’t have great OB services so we were going to go to my backup hospital way south of us.  But we already 10 mins north of our home and Michael was too tired to drive far, so we decided to go to Sutter Santa Rosa which our midwife often uses as a backup and where several doctor members of the synagogue happen to work.  The plan was to get monitored for an hour or two then go home.

We arrived about 11pm and were immediately sent up to labor and delivery and put on a monitor.  When I heard the perfect strong heartbeat I felt so relieved and thought that was it, we’d be sent home.  But the heartbeat was too perfect.  It’s supposed to go up and down with movement, only he didn’t move.

My blood pressure was high, in the 140′s to 160′s, with the bottom number in the 70′s I think (hard to remember) and there was protein in my urine.  I had had edema in my lower legs for ages.  Those three things together are not good though and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.

They sent me for an ultrasound.  They do a rating out of 8 points.  He got a 2.  The heartbeat was strong but there was nothing but tiny movements and the blood flow through the cord was impaired.  One of his lungs was collapsed and they didn’t know why.  They told us he was better off outside of me than inside.  They thought his brain was probably not affected at this point and that he would probably be okay, though he’d need some intervention.  A c-section was the only possible choice.

They waited until my midwife Claudette arrived (once in the hospital she became my doula).  I am very anti-c-section except for medical emergencies but I knew this was the only option.  I chose my midwife precisely  because she does not follow mainstream thinking and has the skills and experience to safely help women choose to avoid interventions they are sometimes pushed into.  She told me to have the c-section.

I spoke with the surgeon and the anesthesiologist about my chemical sensitivities and drug reactions and they were very accommodating and worked with me well.  I was still scared to death and crying. But I would do anything to save my baby’s life and this seemed to be it.

At 2am they took me to the operating room.  The surgery was just awful.  No pain or anything but it felt just horrible all around. It was an emergency but not the full-out get the baby out right away kind so I had a spinal vs general anesthesia and they were able to take their time so my internal organs didn’t get too messed up.  Claudette held my hand the whole time and Michael stayed with Miriam in the room where she was sleeping on a mattress the staff set up.

William Gabriel Norwitz was born at 2:54am.

They wouldn’t let me see him.  I had almost no updates.  They had a team of doctors working on him.  He didn’t cry.  They intubated him but it took 3 tries.  I had to stay there for another long long while (I’m guessing half an hour but it felt much longer) to be sewn up.

I went to the recovery room but still didn’t know how my son was.  I knew he had been intubated and was in the NICU and that he had a cleft lip.  Post-surgery, my blood pressure went up.  And up.  At first they weren’t too worried and gave me meds.  But my pressure was more than 200/100 (dipping down to the 170′s or 180′s as well) for a couple of hours after several doses of a couple different meds.  I could tell how freaked out everyone was.  I knew I was in danger of a stroke or seizure or death.  I didn’t care.

They let Michael go see William and told him he was “probably not going to make it.”  I was shocked when I heard this.  I was worried about brain damage but thought he would survive.  We woke Miriam up.  A few minutes later, Michael and Miriam went to see him and Michael asked for some hard numbers.  What are his chances?  He was told “zero.”

I told them over and over again, do not let my son die before I can see him.  It took a very long time but they finally brought him into my room in an incubator.  I couldn’t move my lower body yet and could only reach his hand to hold it.  He looked so unhappy and uncomfortable.  I told them I wanted to hold him.  Our Rabbi was on her way and they were afraid of transferring him before she arrived.  I kept insisting but logistics kept it from happening.

When the Rabbi arrived it still took a while but they did give him to me.  I opened my gown and placed him skin to skin on my chest and arm, then we put a blanket over both of us.  He had the ventilator breathing for him and his eyes were gooey so I’m not sure he could see anything (I still don’t know what color his eyes were).  But he was awake.  Once on me he relaxed and seemed much more comfortable.

I held him for about half an hour while the Rabbi performed a naming ceremony for him.  Gabriel is his Hebrew name.  Michael held him for a little bit as well.  Miriam chose to stay in the room at times and to go out with Claudette at other times.  We gave her many chances to decide what she wanted to do.  She understood her brother was going to die and was very very upset about it.

This entire time was when my blood pressure was through the roof.  I had been getting over a cold and the crying and stress filled my sinuses and nose so I couldn’t breathe at all except through my mouth.  And then my throat started to swell up and I had trouble breathing.  I asked for oxygen and they said my sats (O2 saturation) were fine but I said give it to me anyway and they did.  It helped slightly.  The BP stuff didn’t scare me because I didn’t care at that point.  But my throat swelling did.  I did not want to not be able to say goodbye to my son.  The staff monitored me closely of course but they thought it was stress.

I did not find out until Thursday that my surgeon had given me an antibiotic during surgery that was a “cousin” to penicillin.  (I didn’t quite catch the name but it sounded like Ciprosporin.)  I told him about the throat swelling and how that is the reaction I got to amoxicillin (penicillin family) and his eyes got real big.  He said that was anaphylaxis and that I needed to add that class of antibiotics to the list of ones I couldn’t have.

When the 3 of us had said our goodbyes, we asked them to remove the ventilator.  They said we could have kept it in longer but we didn’t want William to suffer anymore and we knew there was no hope at all he would survive.  His lungs were hard and wouldn’t not inflate properly even though they were putting through pressures that were much higher than any newborn would get.  And his cord blood pH was so low that no baby ever survived it.  And the placenta was small with poor blood flow.

The neonatologist said he might live and gasp for a couple of hours, but he went in just 10 minutes.  Peacefully on my chest, in my arms.  He died with his little thumb in his mouth.  William died around 6:30am, after only 3 1/2 hours of life.

I held him for another hour or so.  My breathing improved and my blood pressure went down to insanely high but out of the danger zone (they’d cheer when it got down into the 170′s).  Michael held his body then and Claudette did briefly as well.  Miriam said goodbye but chose not to touch him.  Then they took him away and began the transfer to send me to my hospital room.

Although my doctors were still from Labor and Delivery, they put me one floor down, in Cardiac & Telemetry, in a private room.  Losing a baby is a rare occurrence in that hospital and they treated me with the utmost respect.  For my entire stay, every single person, from my nurses to the dietitian, was told what happened before meeting me.  Claudette had brought my birth plan (which had my chemical and medication restrictions listed) and my door sign, which they put up (asking perfumed people not to enter).  They also put a sign on the Purell dispenser outside my room asking people not to use before entering.

They took some care to get me unscented nurses though we had some laundry product issues.  Other staff with scent stayed away or worked with me by phone.  And the next morning Michael brought some safe liquid soap that staff used instead of the sink soap dispenser. With the door closed and the air conditioner on (the window didn’t open) my room wasn’t too bad.

I left for home Thursday late afternoon.  It’s been a difficult recovery, with lots of physical pain and a lot of work to find pain meds I tolerated that worked.  My blood pressure is still not normal but is mostly in the 140′s and 150′s now.  They gave me meds when it spiked to 161 and I spent the night feeling like half my head had been sawed off (this while being on heavy narcotics) so I know now that the recovery room migraine was caused by Labetalol (as opposed to any of the 100 other things it could have been caused by).  And I know I tolerate Toperol (anti-inflammatory) and Dilaudid (narcotic). My incision is healing well but I have welts and blisters and severe itching from the bandage adhesive.

My synagogue, Congregation Ner Shalom, was amazing and, between them and friends and family, I  had visitors and phone calls nearly around the clock, which comforted me to no end.  Being alone were the worst times, especially night and early morning. Although we had to delay the burial, we counted it as sitting Shiva.

As of Saturday afternoon.  I can get out of bed by myself (that feat took several days), use the computer, use the toilet, and stand for brief periods of time (a minute, maybe two).  I took a shower in the hospital which wiped me out and caused terrible pain.  I took one at home yesterday but needed much help with it.  Today I used a borrowed shower seat and was 95% independent.  I am eating and drinking normally.

We will meet with the neonatologist in a couple of weeks when all the test results are in.  They are waiting on some pathology slides and a chromosomal report.  But the diagnosis so far is pulmonary hypoplasia.  Or severe underdevelopment of the lungs, which were 1/10th the size they should have been.  This condition is usually secondary to other issues but, in this case, they think it is caused by a random genetic disorder, which also caused the other birth defects, and led to the failing placenta which led to my pre-eclampsia.  They say it is not related to my age or health but can happen to anyone, though it is rare.

The funeral was yesterday.  It was brutal but I needed to see him buried.  The cemetery is walking distance from our house with trees and grass.

That’s about all I have in me for now.  Thank you again to all who have visited, called, emailed, prayed, or otherwise supported us through this.  It means more than I can say.

William Gabriel Norwitz
Born and died September 28, 2009
10th of Tishrei, 5770

Goodbye my sweet boy.

Hand shaped tortillas from homemade masa

Masa, the corn dough used to make tortillas, tamales, pupusas, and more, is quickly becoming one of my favorite kitchen staples.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to get good quality product.  Even in Mexico, shops with fresh masa for home use are disappearing in favor of the powdered stuff.

I began my quest in early 2008.  My daughter’s 3rd birthday was coming up and I wanted to have a taco bar.  I looked and looked for plain fresh tortillas for sale but found nothing suitable.  I live in a semi-rural agricultural part of the San Francisco Bay Area.  You can’t do a cartwheel without hitting a Mexican neighborhood, market, or restaurant.  But almost every last tortilla I found had preservatives in it.  Why on earth??  Trader Joe’s has some pretty good ones, the “handmade” ones, but they’re a bit pricey for a large party, and they aren’t organic.  Whole Foods has organic tortillas with good ingredients but they’re dreadful.  Okay if fried hard but just horrible if you try to make them soft, like a real taco.

The first stop in my masa journey was the powdered stuff.  Masa harina.  Maseca brand.  I made pretty good (and very cheap) tortillas from it.  They tasted much the same as commercial tortillas…because most of those are made from the powder too.  It’s not organic, it’s probably GMO, it leaves a junky feeling in my stomach, but it’s easy to find, easy to store, and moderately easy to make.  It’s good in a pinch but is sort of like buying squishy “wheat” bread from a bag instead of baking your own from whole grains.

I’ve looked but haven’t found organic masa harina (harina means flour).  Bob’s Red Mill makes a non-organic one that is pretty decent.  Worlds better than Maseca but it still gives me that icky tummy and, like all masa harina, is difficult to work with and shape into anything but basic tortillas.

My next discovery was a true masa shop, practically in my backyard.  Primavera in Sonoma, California.  For a mere $1.50 a pound, I could buy beautiful organic whole grain masa, ready to cook.  Unfortunately, “practically” means a 45 minute drive each way and I have been having trouble sourcing it anywhere else.  The only Farmer’s Markets they sell at are an hour away and the stores they sell their finished products at don’t carry the masa because it’s so perishable (you can’t freeze it and it’s best used within a couple of days, though it will not go bad for a week or slightly more).  I was special ordering it from my local Whole Foods but they decided this was too much trouble.  I met their early morning delivery truck in parking lots a couple of times but, with a child in tow, this got to be a hassle.

The next step was obvious, I was going to have to make my masa myself.  But how?  First I (re)discovered the Good Eats (Alton Brown on the Food Network) episode where he makes it, effortlessly of course.

Then I worked on ingredients.  You need field corn for this, which simply means the kind of corn used for cornmeal, not for corn on the cob or popcorn.  Azure Standard to the rescue!  They grow their own and a 5 lb bag of organic dried field corn is a mere $3.05.  Note: you really do want organic here (or at least buy from a farmer you know isn’t using GE seeds or spraying).  Almost all field corn in the US is genetically engineered (and heavily sprayed).  Organic is not.

Next you need Cal, short for calcium carbonate aka slaked lime (get food grade, not the grade for cement or whitewashing walls!).  Most Mexican markets will have this.

Calcium Carbonate for making masa

The only other ingredients are water and salt but you do need a stainless steel (or other non-reactive) pot, a stove, and a food processor.  In my net searches, I came across another blogger, Rancho Gordo, who made masa using Alton Brown’s recipe.  My heart sank as I read their difficulty in getting the food processor method to work.  But I decided to plow ahead anyway.  And I’m glad I did, mine came out wonderful!

It’s pretty easy.  Measure 6 cups of water (I use filtered since the corn will absorb it) into a pot, add 2 tablespoons of cal, and stir as you gently heat the water.

Soaking the corn in lime water

When the lime is dissolved (a few seconds), add 2 cups of corn.  Rinse it first, though I forgot the first time and it didn’t seem to matter (since you will rinse later).  Bring to a boil then turn off the heat.  Alton Brown insists that you do this slowly, with the time to boil taking half an hour or more.  I did that the first time but the second time I forgot to watch it carefully and it boiled quicker and stayed at a boil for a few minutes.  Oops.  Didn’t make a big difference, though it absorbed more water.

Turn off the heat, cover, and let it sit overnight (I’m not sure what the minimum time for sitting is).  If you can’t get to it the next morning, no problem.  My second batch sat for almost 24 hours.  It swelled up more but was still firm enough to rub and rinse.

Dump into a colander and drain out the excess lime water.

Corn after soaking in lime water

Now comes the fun part.  Soak in fresh water (I use tap water here), rub, rinse, repeat.  Alton Brown says 5-6 minutes of rubbing while rinsing.  I wasn’t that throgho.  I put the colander in a larger bowl, fill with water, rub for a while, pour off the skins, add more water, rub, drain and rinse, etc.  Remember the purpose of the lime is to change the protein content and texture.  It’s not essential to remove the skins.

At the end, soak in fresh water for a couple minutes and repeat.  Then drain and process along with a teaspoon of salt.  Alton Brown makes it seem easy, with just a few pulses and 4-5 TB of water.  I found it takes more than that.  I pulse at first, scrapping down the sides as needed, but then just let it run.

Masa after a trip in the food processor

The first time I did use way too much water, as you can see above.  I put in about 10 oz (20 TB).  It made a nice smooth product but not one I could shape with my hands.  I still managed to make yummy tortillas though, so no great loss.

The second time I used half as much water (about 5 oz or 10 TB) and the masa came out lovely.  Not quite as smooth as my first batch, or as Primavera’s gorgeous product, but very usable and delicious.  It was still a little wetter than I would have liked but I could shape it by hand (see tortillas at the top of the page) and could have made pupusas or other foods from it.  See below.

Finished masa ready to shape and cook

Cost is pretty low too.  One batch (2 cups of corn) costs 61 cents for the corn (would be less if I bought it in 25 or 50 lb bags), 13 cents for the cal (again, I could buy in bulk and save), and another couple pennies for the water, salt, and electricity.  So let’s say 75 cents for enough masa to make 15-20 medium organic whole grain tortillas (masa weight will vary depending on how long you soaked it for and how much water you added). This is expensive compared to Maseca masa harina, which runs $4-6 for enough flour to make a couple hundred tortillas.  But less than Primavera masa or any finished tortillas you can buy.

All in all, is it worth it?  So far, yes.  My masa has a wonderful corn flavor, a great texture, and is making excellent tortillas (and soon to be making pupusas, challah, and other cool things).  It takes 2 minutes to set up at night, another few minutes to watch it and then cover, and 10 minutes to make the next day.  Tortillas take a couple minutes to make and cook.  Someone into convenience foods would be put out, but it’s really nothing in the great scheme of things.

Inspired by the chunky eggplant salad at a local Turkish restaurant, Real Doner, I decided to create my own.  I make baba ghanoush, a creamy eggplant dish, all the time but have never made it any other way.

The hurdle was how to cook the eggplant.  Eggplant goes from hard to creamy fairly quickly.  I decided to roast it and this turned out to be perfect.  Slice in to 1/2″ thick pieces (keep the skin on, it adds flavor and color) and put on low baking pans or cookie sheets with a bit of olive oil.  Do not overlap.  Turn the pieces once so there is some oil on both sides.  Don’t use much, just enough to give it a little browning and so it won’t stick.

Roasted eggplant slices

When the eggplant is fork tender but not falling apart, take it out of the oven.  When cool enough to handle, slice and dice into small bite-sized pieces.

Diced eggplant

Dice and add the rest of your vegetable ingredients.  I use cucumber and tomato.

Cutting cucumbers

Now make the sauce.  I couldn’t hope to duplicate the Turkish version so I made a simple chimichurri-style sauce.  Cilantro, fresh lemon or lime juice, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, a bit of hot pepper, and cumin seeds (plus fresh garlic if you wish).  You can substitute cumin powder but the seeds give it a nicer flavor.  Use powder if the salad will be eaten within an hour of making, because the seeds won’t have time to soften.

Mix the sauce in the blender, pour over the vegetables, and mix.  That’s it, you’re done.  Serve chilled, at room temperature, or slightly warm from the eggplant.  It’s good all ways.

Eggplant Salad

Yes yes I’ve been a terrible updater recently.  My last update was at 19 weeks, almost 3 months ago.  But it’s been a terrible 3 months.  Everything’s going well with the pregnancy, I’ve just been knocked flat by it.  Constant need for naps, unable to get out of bed at times, fatigue so bad I can’t always water my plants and have given up trying to get the mail.  It’s been hard on all of us.

Miriam kisses her brother (22 weeks)

I had something similar during the second trimester when I was pregnant with Miriam, but this is worse.  And I’m well into the third trimester now.  Two huge increases/additions to my thyroid meds have helped, and so has being diligent about taking my supplements.  July was also a busy month, with preparations starting long before.  My brother Mike got married!  We took a trip to Los Angeles.  I helped plan the 2009 Festival of Fruit.  And California went through several heat waves.

Miriam as a flower girl at her Uncle Mike's wedding 7/19/09

So here I am, 31 weeks (7 months) into this pregnancy, and starting to feel a bit better.  Some news:  It’s a boy!!  We had an ultrasound at 20 weeks and the little sweetie was mooning us.  Even Miriam could tell his sex.  All the other measurements came out perfect too.

And, yes, we have a name picked out.  The first name comes from Michael’s family and the middle name/Hebrew name is just a name I’ve been drawn to for a long time, for unknown reasons.  We’ll announce them after he’s born.

So far, I’ve gained 20 lbs and have been craving fresh vegetables, fresh fruit, fish, and pickles (fermented/pickled anything really).  Miriam is still nursing, though usually not very much.  The house is a disaster because I haven’t been able to do any sorting and organizing like I was in the first trimester.  The plan is to get it all done before the birth (sure…).

Things are going well with our midwife and we’re still working towards a home birth with a hot tub in the living room.  I am getting backup care with the midwifery group that works at the hospital where Miriam was born.  And of course I’m getting endocrinological monitoring through-out.

Cyndi at 28 weeks

I’ve made a variety of dessert/snack bars based on the simple ingredients of dates and nuts.  Sometimes I substitute prunes for half the dates to bring the carb count down.  Sometimes I add banana or other fruit.  And I use a bunch of different flavorings.

You can make these raw (with a dehydrator) or cooked.  I find that lower temperatures lead to a wetter bar and higher ones to a cakier one.  But the proportion of ingredients changes that up too.  If you do a very thorough blending job you end up with something like a Lara Bar, or you can leave the mix more chunky, which gives it more character.

I started using sunflower seed butter (aka sunbutter) a few months ago and discovered that they give the bars a chocolate-like look, mouth-feel, and even some taste.  Since chocolate is the worst of Miriam’s food intolerances, that’s a really cool find.

Here’s the version of this recipe I used for a submission to the baked goods, bar cookies, competition at the Sonoma County Fair last week.

Recipe:

Sunflower seed butter (sunflower seeds, cane sugar, salt), 16 oz
Raw cashews, 2 cups
Dates, 14 oz
Ginger root, fresh, 2 TB
Cinnamon, 2 tsp
Cardamon, 1 tsp
Vanilla extract (vanilla, organic alcohol), 1 TB
Sea Salt to taste
Water as needed

Don’t worry about the amounts of the main ingredients.  I used full containers so that’s what it came out as.  My sunbutter is from Trader Joe’s.  The dates are pitted deglet noor dates in a pre-packed container from Whole Foods.  You can use any kind as long as they’re fresh (don’t use dried date pieces, the ones that look like elongated pellets).  For the cashews, I just poured them into the empty sunbutter container to measure (and to scoop out residual butter).

As for the flavorings, those amounts are guesses.  I did a lot of add and taste, add and taste again.  I will note though that the batter was spiced beautifully but the bars came out very mild; the spices were in the background.  When I do it again, I’ll double (or triple) the amounts.  If they come out nice and strong I’ll call them gingerbread bars, but I was careful with the naming for the contest because I didn’t want them to be judged that way when they were so mild.

Chop the ginger root and put it in the food processor first.  You want to make sure it’s well processed.  Now add your other ingredients and blend until smooth.  If you want a chunkier bar, take some of the cashews and process them before anything else and turn out to a bowl when they’re at the right consistency.  Do this in as many batches as it takes for the size of your food processor.

Date notes: take the time to feel each one with your fingers before putting it in the processor.  I usually find one pit for every 2 containers or so.  And there are often the little end caps left on.  Just one of these things will spoil your entire batch if left in.

Ingredients in the food processor

Why add water if your goal is to bake or dehydrate out the liquid?  Because food processor motors can only handle so much and it helps the mix come together.  Don’t add too much water or baking will take forever and the bars will be overcooked and thin.  I used perhaps a cup total for this batch, which is more than I usually need but my ingredients may have been dryer than normal.  Just add a small amount at a time, as needed.  Don’t measure because the amount you need will vary based on a lot of factors.

When it’s ready, mix in a bowl if needed, and turn out into a baking pan.  You want the mix to be about 3/4 or 2/3 inches deep.  My pan was enamelled so I did nothing to it but you may want to lightly oil a less smooth pan.

Bar mix ready to go into the oven

I baked at 250*F for about an hour.  I prefer lower temps (150*F) for longer periods of time but of course I waited until evening of the night before the Fair contest to start these.  Check often for burning (if you bake at a higher temp, they are easy to overcook).  At lower temps you may need to flip them part way through to dry out the bottoms.

They came out perfect.  When I use less cashew and bake at a lower temperature I get more a fudge-like bar.  These surprised me by coming out cakey.  In fact, Michael just assumed I used flour.  They tasted like they had flour to me too.  They were still great, even if they weren’t what I expected.

I chose the six best bars for the contest.  The recipe made about 3 times this amount.  Those were good sized bars too.

Finished bars ready for Fair delivery

So…did I win anything?  Nope.  I wasn’t really expecting to.  Aside from a touch of sugar in the sunbutter, the only sweetener was the dates.  These weren’t really dessert bars, they were snack bars.  And if you were a judge tasting cookie after cookie and suddenly came upon a low-sugar one, it would taste flat to you.  I think they were delicious (and so did Miriam and Michael) but they weren’t really right for this contest.

I don’t know where I fell but there were 12 entries in the “bar cookie: other” category and I didn’t get one of the 5 prizes.

County Fair display case

These bars were great for just eating but even better heated up in the toaster oven and served under vanilla ice cream (vegan of course).

A few months ago, a new cafe opened in downtown Petaluma near Walnut Park.  Foodies in the know thrill because the owners are family of the owners of a now-defunct Turkish restaurant in Santa Rosa, Real Gryo, which I never had the pleasure of trying.  Real Doner is a small place with a deli feel.  There are a few indoor tables and a few outdoor tables, but your best bet is to take your food a block away to the park and eat there under the trees.

Real Doner (Gyro)
307 F St, Petaluma, CA 94952
(707) 765-9555
Open daily: 7 am – 7 pm

Real Doner Counter

I figured I would have hummus and other standard Middle Eastern fare, while my family and the friend who joined us would have meat dishes (the ones reviewers were raving about).  To my dismay though, the owner informed me that they added mayonnaise to the hummus and baba ganoush.  Even a touch of mayo is a no-no because Miriam reacts to the tiniest bit of eggs, including when I eat it.

As we spoke further, I discovered food allergies also ran in her family and she turned out to be very knowledgeable about how to put together substitutes.  I ordered the eggplant salad and falafel but she made me an amazing meal that didn’t feel like second best at all.

Falafel with salad

I got five large beautiful falafels, perfectly cooked in oil that does not see egg or wheat batter, pickled red cabbage, cucumbers, and a lettuce and tomato salad.  My only regret was not getting several containers of the delicious vegan tahini dressing.

Eggplant salad

The menu claims the eggplant salad is pureed, but this one was certainly not.  Perhaps the best eggplant salad I’ve ever had.  Cooked just so with a hint of heat.

Michael ordered the chicken shish kebab and Miriam ate from both our plates.

Chicken shish kebab

Our friend got the Cigarette Borek and some lovely looking bread.

Cigarette Borek

Bread

I didn’t taste the meat or bread dishes but the others liked them very much.

My only complaint about the place is that service is extremely slow.  I think it took about half an hour to get our food after ordering, even though the only other people in there were served a couple minutes after we arrived.  Everything is made to order and is extremely fresh, but I hope they find a way to speed things up without cutting corners.  The long wait is part of why I haven’t been back yet, though the food is calling to me.

Menu, outer page

Menu, inner page

Reviews:

Chowhound Places
Chowhound: Real Doner (Gyro) is destination worthy … amazing great
Chowhound: Real Gyro Re-Opens

Here I am at 19 weeks, 4 1/2 months and well into my 2nd trimester.  I keep asking Michael “do I look pregnant in this? (as opposed to just fat) and, well, judge for yourself.

Cyndi at 19 weeks (with Melanie in the background)

Things are going pretty well.  At 17 weeks I saw my wonderful family doctor for the last time (she’s switching to another practice, far away and doesn’t take my insurance).  I told her I was taking her up on her ultrasound offer.  I couldn’t stand it anymore, tell me how many babies are inside me!

Hooray! the answer is one.  One baby and one humongous placenta (which she said could very well account for why my uterus measures 3-4 weeks bigger than it should.  This was a low-level ultrasound with a dinky little screen so forget about finding out gender or anything else, aside from seeing that the heart was beating and the placenta was not over the cervix (very good).  We also saw little arms and legs kicking away.  We’ll have the full hospital clinic ultrasound next month.

I had mixed feelings about the idea of twins.  This is almost certainly my last pregnancy and so it’s my only chance to have 3 children.  But, really, all I felt was relief when I found out there was just one.  Much easier pregnancy and birth and not as difficult to take care of one baby as it is two.  Michael was freaking at the very idea of twins, so to say he’s relieved is an understatement.  Miriam says she would have loved twins (like some close friends of hers) but she wanted a boy and a girl.

I still get tired a lot but don’t have many full-out fatigue episodes.  I’m not able to exercise regularly again yet but I can do some.  I’ve been getting some edema (water retention) in my lower legs but my blood pressure is totally normal.  I had a lot of edema (and normal BP) with Miriam too. I’ve gained 5 lbs so far.

Below is Miriam’s favorite position, especially in the morning.  She comes and finds me on the computer, nurses in my lap, then insists on being carried to the couch.  Though between my growing belly and her growing body, I can’t really carry her much anymore.  And nursing is hurting more and more, especially after I shower, so I don’t do much beyond her morning snuggle time.  She says I still have milk though (that will likely change).

Miriam's favorite position

Once a month, our synagogue, Ner Shalom in Cotati, California, holds a family Shabbat dinner.  Sometimes it’s a potluck, other times they order platters from a local restaurant.  A few months ago, I volunteered to do the cooking.  I had two motives here: 1) I love to cook for large groups of people.  Seriously, I do.  As long as I’m not the one cleaning up.  2) I wanted the opportunity to have a meal there that was 100% safe for my daughter, with no chance of cross-contamination.

I got my chance May 8, 2009.  I announced the meal as vegan and gluten-free (the other meals there are vegetarian or vegetarian plus some fish), planned a menu, and set to work.  I quickly realized that, while my cooking skills are pretty good, my catering skills are quite lacking.  It didn’t help that we were never sure exactly how many people would show up (RSVPs are due two days before, but they’re flexible).

I planned for 20, got 18 (equivalent of 15 since several were small children), and cooked enough for 30.  Whoops.

A few folks lingering over dinner

After many years of cooking Passover Seders for upwards of 20 people, I have learned the trick of saving complex or new recipes for smaller venues.  Everything I made was simple to moderate and something I’d cooked many times before.

The Menu:

Chili-Cornbread Casserole
Roasted vegetables (red beets, golden beets, rutabaga, & leek with rosemary)
Green salad (romaine, cherry tomato, daikon radish, carrot, orange cauliflower, & mustard balsamic dressing)
Fresh strawberries with cashew cream
Challah (from masa) with sesame seed & oatmeal

Chili Cornbread Casserole

The good news is the food all came out fabulous.  No mishaps at all.  I can’t tell you how relieved I was about that.  The bad news is we had some disasters with the timing.  One of the disadvantages to cooking a large meal outside of your home is that you tend to forget things.  Well, Michael and I left a box of miscellaneous items behind.  Unfortunately, they were essential items for both of the dishes I had to finish up and bake in the synagogue kitchen.

Michael running home to get it set us back about 45 minutes, and we were already running 15 minutes late.  So everything was pushed back an hour (which means at least my time estimates were dead on).  The challah also took longer than expected, even though I had deliberately made them thinner than usual so they’d cook faster.

Salad and strawberries

All in all, I’d call it a success.  The next time I get the chance to cook for a crowd, I’ll have a clearer idea of amounts.  And hopefully the timing will work out better.

Roasted root vegetables

For anyone interested in the amounts of ingredients I used and what it all cost, check out my blog entry Catering Lessons: The Cost of Cooking for 30.

I recently had the chance to cook a Shabbat dinner (Friday night ritual) for my synagogue.  You can find all the details at Shabbat Dinner for 20.  Because I’m being reimbursed for ingredients, I kept careful track of my expenses.

You may wonder about the two titles.  Did I cook for 20 or 30?  Well, that’s part of learning to cater meals, judging amounts.  I goofed big time.  Because of late RSVP’s and walk in’s, I wasn’t too sure exactly how many would come, so I planned for 20 (knowing I’d have enough for 25 if need be).  We got 10 adults, one teenager, 5 children age 5 and under, and 2 more adults who weren’t present for the dinner but were given care packages of food.  I’m counting this as the equivalent of 15 adults.

With most of the food, I made twice as much as necessary.  Had I made half as much total, we would have run out of most things, but people would have been able to eat large amounts and been satisfied.  As it was, we all ate very well and took home enormous amounts of leftovers.

Below, I give costs for everything I used.  Some are exact, some are estimated.  Pretty much everything is organic and good quality.  I didn’t skimp.  The savings comes from making things from scratch.  I did one huge Whole Foods run two days before the dinner.  A few items were in my pantry so those say “est” after them.  Soy flour we had to get from a local store.  The strawberries are from the amazing Carstensen Farms here in Petaluma (organic and picked the morning of the dinner).  The masa is organic and made from whole corn in Sonoma by Primavera.  The olive oil for cooking is Star from Costco and the olive oil in the salad dressing is an organic brand I get in 55 gallon drums for my soap business.

Chili Cornbread Casserole

On my blog entry for this recipe, I have a single and a double recipe.  I made a quadruple one here.  We finished the larger of the two pans.  Now, this does save well and is almost as good cold as it is hot.

The big splurge here was the dried tomatoes, which I got to reduce any trace ingredients that might cause problems for people.  They came from the Whole Foods olive bar, but Costco jarred tomatoes are much cheaper and you can also buy plain dried tomatoes in some stores’ bulk sections or from Trader Joe’s.

Note that this recipe fed 30 people with several sides.  If you’re serving it to your family as is, or with a small side salad, count on needing two servings per person.

Dried beans (1/2 black, 1/2 adzuki) 6 cups (2 2/3 lbs) $4.30
Olive oil 4 TB or so $0.25 (est)
Vegetable mix total 8 cups $4.32
- Yellow onion 2 (1.9 lb) ($2.83)
- Carrot 3/8 lb ($0.73 .37)
- Celery .45 lb ($0.76)
Cumin 2 2/3 TB $0.94
Oregano, fresh 4 tsp (from my garden, free)
Chilies, dried 4 large $0.50 (est)
Sun-dried tomatoes pint deli container $8.81
Tofu 24 oz $2.84
Rice wine/vinegar 4 TB $0.25 (est)
Lemon juice 4 TB $0.25 (est)
Soy flour 2 cups $1.80
Brown rice flour 2 cups (.66 lb) $1.18
Xanthan gum 2 tsp $0.10 (est)
Cornmeal 4 cups $2.35
Baking soda 2 tsp $0.10 (est)
Baking powder 2 TB $0.10 (est)
Apple cider vinegar 1 cup $0.85 (est)
Soy milk 2 cups $0.87
Sunflower oil 12 oz $3.80

Grand total: $33.25
Per serving (feeds 30): $1.11

Roasted Vegetables

This is a 14 lb batch.  We ate about half.  Leftovers last a couple of days.

Keep costs down by buying at farmer’s markets or on sale.  You can roast a wide variety of vegetables.  Beets and rutabagas run $2/lb at my local Whole Foods and leeks run $3 with some sales down to $2.  When choosing based on cost, keep in mind waste in preparation (almost none for the root vegetables, quite a bit for the leeks) as well as shrinkage during cooking (moderate for root vegetables or cauliflower, a fair amount for leeks and cabbage).

Red and golden beet 6.83 lbs $13.59
Rutabaga 6.71 lbs $13.35
Leeks 6 large (2.47 lb ($7.39) at WF plus some leftovers from a local farm) $10 (est)
Olive oil & celtic salt $1 (est)
Rosemary free (from my garden, would be $2 in store)

Grand total: $37.94
Per serving (feeds 30): $1.26

Green Salad

The base is 4 heads of romaine lettuce.  This made 2 large bowls.  I only put dressing on one of the bowls since dressing will make salad go limp and gross pretty quickly when leftover.  We ate about half.

Watch the cost of lettuce.  It can vary a lot.  It’s usually sold per head and the size of the head varies even more than the per head cost does.  I was lucky and these were large heads on sale.  You can use any type of lettuce you want, or other greens.

Romaine lettuce 4 heads $6
Cherry tomatoes clamshell container $2.99
Daikon radish .76 lb $0.75
Orange cauliflower 1 head (1.63 lb) $4.87
Carrot 3/8 lb $0.36
Dressing (with salt) 3 cups $6.66
- Olive oil 2 cups ($3.25)
- Balsamic vinegar 3/4 cup (est) ($1.91)
- Amy’s Mustard 3-4 oz (est) ($1.50)

Grand total: $21.63
Per serving (feeds 30): $0.72

Strawberries with Cashew Cream

I got a full flat of strawberries (12 baskets).  The cost is slightly higher if you buy less.  We used 6 baskets.  The cashew cream was a big miscalculation.  We only ate 1/4 of it at best.  The problem with the cashew cream is it’s hard to judge if you’re going to get a thick or a thin batch.  This was thin.  It tasted great but no one wanted to take very much.

Strawberries 1 flat (12 baskets) $28
Cashew (raw) 6 cups (1.97 lb) $15.74
Lemon 2 $1
Vanilla 2 TB $0.50 (est)
Stevia & salt $0.50 (est)

Grand total: $45.74
Per serving (feeds 30): $1.52

Challah

I bought 10 lbs of masa and used 5 (on purpose so I’d have some for myself later).  I made two trays of challahs and we ate 1/3 to 1/2 of them.  They weren’t ready until well into the meal.  I suspect we would have eaten far more had they been ready on time (before the meal, just after the blessing for the wine).  Note that the reason for the oatmeal is so they contain one of the 5 grains (the rest have gluten) so we can say the blessing over bread.

Masa 5 lbs $7.50
Oatmeal, sesame, salt 2 cups $3 (est)

Grand total: $10.50
Per serving (feeds 30): $0.35

Total costs for entire meal: $149.06
Per person (30): $4.97

Hours spent on meal, about 10.
8 hours prep work (not counting shopping)
1 hour work on site
1 hour cleanup (which I didn’t do, but my husband did a fair amount)

If I were to charge for my time, I’d tack on $200 to the total.
That would make the total $349.06.
And the per person cost a mere $11.64.
Not bad for an organic gourmet meal (meat doesn’t usually cost more, though organic meat would).
Fortunately, my time is a donation.

The synagogue charges $10 per adult, $5 for ages 5-12, and free for under 5.

Well, I hit my 2nd trimester a little over a week ago.  I’m now 14 1/2 weeks along.  The pregnancy sickness is still with me but the worst of it is *knock wood* over.  I still get stomach pain as my primary gut issue.  I’ve also been eating like crazy, lots and lots of very fresh healthy food.  So far I’ve gained 2 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.

I carry big and have looked seriously pregnant for a long time.  I look about 5 months now, not barely 3 months.  But I’m far enough along that I love it.  Aside from the obvious, that was my favorite thing about being pregnant last time: I actually look thinner.  I’m an “apple” so I have a ton of excess weight in my gut but, when I’m pregnant, it blends with the baby bump and all looks like part of the same thing.  I don’t look skinny or anything but I do look like I’ve dropped a couple of dress sizes.

Cyndi at 14 weeks

I chose a midwife and have seen her twice now as we plan for a home birth.  The only negative is she isn’t very scent-free, though she’s been trying.  I can’t be in her house at all because of new carpet and fragrances.  Fortunately, she lives in the same town as me and is willing to do the visits at my house, which I greatly appreciate.

She was here at 11 weeks and used the Doppler to try to hear the baby’s heartbeat and no luck.  But she heard “placental circulation” which was good enough for me.  Plus a couple days before that I saw my MD who did a quickie internal exam and said my uterus was big like it should be.

When the midwife was here last week (normally early visits are a month apart but we started late and she wanted to give me a chance early on to hear the heart) we did the Doppler again and got a heartbeat, which was really cool, though not a surprise   I got Michael on speaker phone and he was able to hear it too.

My uterus is measuring big (as it did a couple weeks ago).  About a centimeter higher than it “should” be.  With my last pregnancy I was carrying so big I was sure I must have twins but my uterus measurements were always dead on.  This time I’m even bigger (despite weighing slightly less) and my uterus is actually “too big.”  Coupled with the higher than average HCG doubling blood tests, the midwife confirmed my suspicion that this means an increased chance for twins.  I really had to push her though because she didn’t want to quantify it.  Finally I said, okay is my chance of having twins 25%, 50%, or 75%?  She said 25%.

This is my last pregnancy almost certainly so having twins would be great because it means I can have 3 kids.  But overall, neither Michael or I really want twins.  We have friends with them and, while they’re both amazing kids and they play with each other and all, we’ve seen first hand just how much work it is.  And they have 2 parents who work at home and no other child.  The very idea of twins freaks Michael out.  I would be okay either way I think but I’m still hoping for just one.  At least if it is twins I don’t have to worry about the birth.  My midwife will still do a home birth with twins, as long as they’re at least 36 weeks.  [As a side note, no you can't really tell from the heartbeat how many there are, not at this gestational age anyway.]

So far everything looks good.  I have a lot of sudden-onset bouts of tiredness, as well as milder longer ones, and haven’t been able to exercise for a while, but overall I’m decent (you know, the usual stuff).  My lower back and hips have been hating me for a while now and I have to be careful how I sleep.  I can’t be on my stomach anymore (I don’t sleep like that; I mean for anything) and being on my back is starting to get unpleasant (not from cutting off circulation, just uncomfortable).  Wish I could get weekly bodywork.

Miriam has just been thrilled and talks to the baby (“does it have ears yet?”) and kisses my belly regularly.  At 11 weeks, the midwife gave her a plastic doll that is the size and proportions of a 12 week fetus.  She played with it, pretending to carry it in her tummy.  I told her a bit what birth was like (contractions then pushing the baby out) and she loves to emulate the experience. I explained that the pushing was kind of like a difficult poop.  Michael chimed in with “but the poop is THIS BIG” and oh did Miriam’s eyes get wide.

She’s now decided she wants to be a midwife and she is going to deliver the baby herself (“me and you mommy”).  Though she agrees the actual midwife can be there too.  Michael said, you know, when the baby comes out it’s covered in blood and goo and stuff.  Miriam answered “that’s okay, I’ll wear short sleeves.”  She’s also requested birth videos.  The ones the midwife lent us either didn’t show the birth (personal DVD) or were scratched.  So we’ll be looking around (can’t do online video well on this computer).

It’s going to be an interesting ride…

I was at Whole Foods the other day with crimini mushrooms on my shopping list.  These are the brown mushrooms that look very much like the common white button mushroom.  They tend to cost a bit than white mushrooms but they’re actually cheaper.  How’s that?  The white ones are mostly water, so they cook down to almost nothing.  The criminis cook down too but hold their volume a lot better (though watch out for the big farm criminis (like you get at Costco) which have more water than the good ones).

Another little known fact is that criminis are nothing more than portabellas picked early.  They don’t have the same rich flavor a portabella has but they still taste like something (unlike the bland white ones).  Portabellas run about $2 more per pound than criminis.  Except the other day when they were on sale for the same price.  So I snagged a bagful.

I often use criminis to make pesto stuffed mushrooms but I wanted to use these portabellas for a main dish.

So, I washed them, carefully pulled off the stems (rock them back and forth), cut the ends off the stems (only necessary if they aren’t trimmed before arriving at the store…the difference is easy to tell: untrimmed ones have dirt on them) and threw the stems into the food processor.

I put the mushrooms cap down on a dry baking tray and popped them in the oven at a medium temperature (300*F or so).  Then I turned back to the food processor.  I put in some leftover pan-fried tofu (I would have used fresh tofu but we had a big container of the cooked), a couple stalks of celery, and a large portion of sun-dried tomatoes in oil.  I had to add a fair bit of water to get the consistency right.  Then I salted to taste (do this after adding water).

At this point, 10-15 minutes had gone by so I took the mushrooms out of the oven and picked them up one at a time to fill (this is why I said a dry tray).  After you fill them, put some oil on the tray and place them back, cap up, for baking.

Stuffed portabella mushrooms ready for baking

Pop them in the oven (about 300*F) and cook until the top is slightly brown and the mushrooms are soft.  The time will vary by the size of the mushrooms and the filling but these took around half an hour.

Now, if you’re thinking…but I don’t like sun-dried tomatoes, but I’m allergic to soy.  Don’t worry.  This is a very flexible recipe.  If you can call it a recipe.  Use whatever you like.  Meat, cheese, nuts/seeds, or something that doesn’t have protein if it’s a side dish.  Olives would be nice, or fresh herbs, or vegetables. The filling should have good strong flavor to complement the mellowness of the mushrooms.

Just make sure it’s thick enough to hold its shape with baking and serving but thin enough to spread.  And the filling should be fully cooked.  It only goes in the oven long enough to heat through and to set (or for cheese to melt).

While these were in the oven, I made a quick salad with chopped romaine lettuce, cucumber, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt, and pepper.

They were delicious.  Great cold the next day too.

Portabellas with salad