This will be my last pregnancy update.

I was 36 weeks pregnant on Saturday, September 26, 2009.  40 weeks is the “due date” and 37 weeks is considered “full term.”  But 36 weeks is considered safe and close enough to full term.  It is the minimum gestation to have a home birth, which is what I was planning.

The pregnancy was very very hard on me with lots of fatigue and discomfort, but was going quite well from all other ways of looking at it.  The baby was growing at just the right rate.  He moved a lot and his heartbeat was always perfect.  I had an ultrasound at 20 weeks which showed he was a boy and that everything looked normal. My blood pressure was 110/60 or a bit less every time.  My last midwife appt was Wednesday before this all happened and my blood pressure was normal, along with everything else.

On Sunday, he only kicked and moved twice, at 11am and 6pm, no matter how much I poked and prodded.  And each of those times it was weak and short-lived.  When his position dropped a week and a half earlier (normal pre-birth occurrence), his movement also decreased but he checked out fine and started kicking at normal levels shortly afterward.  So I kept telling myself it was nothing.

Sunday night was the start of Yom Kippur services and we were at synagogue.  When services were over around 10pm, I went to one of the members who was a doctor and got her advice.  She said to call my midwife immediately.  I did and the midwife said to head directly to the ER.  The ER close to our house isn’t very home birth friendly and doesn’t have great OB services so we were going to go to my backup hospital way south of us.  But we already 10 mins north of our home and Michael was too tired to drive far, so we decided to go to Sutter Santa Rosa which our midwife often uses as a backup and where several doctor members of the synagogue happen to work.  The plan was to get monitored for an hour or two then go home.

We arrived about 11pm and were immediately sent up to labor and delivery and put on a monitor.  When I heard the perfect strong heartbeat I felt so relieved and thought that was it, we’d be sent home.  But the heartbeat was too perfect.  It’s supposed to go up and down with movement, only he didn’t move.

My blood pressure was high, in the 140′s to 160′s, with the bottom number in the 70′s I think (hard to remember) and there was protein in my urine.  I had had edema in my lower legs for ages.  Those three things together are not good though and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.

They sent me for an ultrasound.  They do a rating out of 8 points.  He got a 2.  The heartbeat was strong but there was nothing but tiny movements and the blood flow through the cord was impaired.  One of his lungs was collapsed and they didn’t know why.  They told us he was better off outside of me than inside.  They thought his brain was probably not affected at this point and that he would probably be okay, though he’d need some intervention.  A c-section was the only possible choice.

They waited until my midwife Claudette arrived (once in the hospital she became my doula).  I am very anti-c-section except for medical emergencies but I knew this was the only option.  I chose my midwife precisely  because she does not follow mainstream thinking and has the skills and experience to safely help women choose to avoid interventions they are sometimes pushed into.  She told me to have the c-section.

I spoke with the surgeon and the anesthesiologist about my chemical sensitivities and drug reactions and they were very accommodating and worked with me well.  I was still scared to death and crying. But I would do anything to save my baby’s life and this seemed to be it.

At 2am they took me to the operating room.  The surgery was just awful.  No pain or anything but it felt just horrible all around. It was an emergency but not the full-out get the baby out right away kind so I had a spinal vs general anesthesia and they were able to take their time so my internal organs didn’t get too messed up.  Claudette held my hand the whole time and Michael stayed with Miriam in the room where she was sleeping on a mattress the staff set up.

William Gabriel Norwitz was born at 2:54am.

They wouldn’t let me see him.  I had almost no updates.  They had a team of doctors working on him.  He didn’t cry.  They intubated him but it took 3 tries.  I had to stay there for another long long while (I’m guessing half an hour but it felt much longer) to be sewn up.

I went to the recovery room but still didn’t know how my son was.  I knew he had been intubated and was in the NICU and that he had a cleft lip.  Post-surgery, my blood pressure went up.  And up.  At first they weren’t too worried and gave me meds.  But my pressure was more than 200/100 (dipping down to the 170′s or 180′s as well) for a couple of hours after several doses of a couple different meds.  I could tell how freaked out everyone was.  I knew I was in danger of a stroke or seizure or death.  I didn’t care.

They let Michael go see William and told him he was “probably not going to make it.”  I was shocked when I heard this.  I was worried about brain damage but thought he would survive.  We woke Miriam up.  A few minutes later, Michael and Miriam went to see him and Michael asked for some hard numbers.  What are his chances?  He was told “zero.”

I told them over and over again, do not let my son die before I can see him.  It took a very long time but they finally brought him into my room in an incubator.  I couldn’t move my lower body yet and could only reach his hand to hold it.  He looked so unhappy and uncomfortable.  I told them I wanted to hold him.  Our Rabbi was on her way and they were afraid of transferring him before she arrived.  I kept insisting but logistics kept it from happening.

When the Rabbi arrived it still took a while but they did give him to me.  I opened my gown and placed him skin to skin on my chest and arm, then we put a blanket over both of us.  He had the ventilator breathing for him and his eyes were gooey so I’m not sure he could see anything (I still don’t know what color his eyes were).  But he was awake.  Once on me he relaxed and seemed much more comfortable.

I held him for about half an hour while the Rabbi performed a naming ceremony for him.  Gabriel is his Hebrew name.  Michael held him for a little bit as well.  Miriam chose to stay in the room at times and to go out with Claudette at other times.  We gave her many chances to decide what she wanted to do.  She understood her brother was going to die and was very very upset about it.

This entire time was when my blood pressure was through the roof.  I had been getting over a cold and the crying and stress filled my sinuses and nose so I couldn’t breathe at all except through my mouth.  And then my throat started to swell up and I had trouble breathing.  I asked for oxygen and they said my sats (O2 saturation) were fine but I said give it to me anyway and they did.  It helped slightly.  The BP stuff didn’t scare me because I didn’t care at that point.  But my throat swelling did.  I did not want to not be able to say goodbye to my son.  The staff monitored me closely of course but they thought it was stress.

I did not find out until Thursday that my surgeon had given me an antibiotic during surgery that was a “cousin” to penicillin.  (I didn’t quite catch the name but it sounded like Ciprosporin.)  I told him about the throat swelling and how that is the reaction I got to amoxicillin (penicillin family) and his eyes got real big.  He said that was anaphylaxis and that I needed to add that class of antibiotics to the list of ones I couldn’t have.

When the 3 of us had said our goodbyes, we asked them to remove the ventilator.  They said we could have kept it in longer but we didn’t want William to suffer anymore and we knew there was no hope at all he would survive.  His lungs were hard and wouldn’t not inflate properly even though they were putting through pressures that were much higher than any newborn would get.  And his cord blood pH was so low that no baby ever survived it.  And the placenta was small with poor blood flow.

The neonatologist said he might live and gasp for a couple of hours, but he went in just 10 minutes.  Peacefully on my chest, in my arms.  He died with his little thumb in his mouth.  William died around 6:30am, after only 3 1/2 hours of life.

I held him for another hour or so.  My breathing improved and my blood pressure went down to insanely high but out of the danger zone (they’d cheer when it got down into the 170′s).  Michael held his body then and Claudette did briefly as well.  Miriam said goodbye but chose not to touch him.  Then they took him away and began the transfer to send me to my hospital room.

Although my doctors were still from Labor and Delivery, they put me one floor down, in Cardiac & Telemetry, in a private room.  Losing a baby is a rare occurrence in that hospital and they treated me with the utmost respect.  For my entire stay, every single person, from my nurses to the dietitian, was told what happened before meeting me.  Claudette had brought my birth plan (which had my chemical and medication restrictions listed) and my door sign, which they put up (asking perfumed people not to enter).  They also put a sign on the Purell dispenser outside my room asking people not to use before entering.

They took some care to get me unscented nurses though we had some laundry product issues.  Other staff with scent stayed away or worked with me by phone.  And the next morning Michael brought some safe liquid soap that staff used instead of the sink soap dispenser. With the door closed and the air conditioner on (the window didn’t open) my room wasn’t too bad.

I left for home Thursday late afternoon.  It’s been a difficult recovery, with lots of physical pain and a lot of work to find pain meds I tolerated that worked.  My blood pressure is still not normal but is mostly in the 140′s and 150′s now.  They gave me meds when it spiked to 161 and I spent the night feeling like half my head had been sawed off (this while being on heavy narcotics) so I know now that the recovery room migraine was caused by Labetalol (as opposed to any of the 100 other things it could have been caused by).  And I know I tolerate Toperol (anti-inflammatory) and Dilaudid (narcotic). My incision is healing well but I have welts and blisters and severe itching from the bandage adhesive.

My synagogue, Congregation Ner Shalom, was amazing and, between them and friends and family, I  had visitors and phone calls nearly around the clock, which comforted me to no end.  Being alone were the worst times, especially night and early morning. Although we had to delay the burial, we counted it as sitting Shiva.

As of Saturday afternoon.  I can get out of bed by myself (that feat took several days), use the computer, use the toilet, and stand for brief periods of time (a minute, maybe two).  I took a shower in the hospital which wiped me out and caused terrible pain.  I took one at home yesterday but needed much help with it.  Today I used a borrowed shower seat and was 95% independent.  I am eating and drinking normally.

We will meet with the neonatologist in a couple of weeks when all the test results are in.  They are waiting on some pathology slides and a chromosomal report.  But the diagnosis so far is pulmonary hypoplasia.  Or severe underdevelopment of the lungs, which were 1/10th the size they should have been.  This condition is usually secondary to other issues but, in this case, they think it is caused by a random genetic disorder, which also caused the other birth defects, and led to the failing placenta which led to my pre-eclampsia.  They say it is not related to my age or health but can happen to anyone, though it is rare.

The funeral was yesterday.  It was brutal but I needed to see him buried.  The cemetery is walking distance from our house with trees and grass.

That’s about all I have in me for now.  Thank you again to all who have visited, called, emailed, prayed, or otherwise supported us through this.  It means more than I can say.

William Gabriel Norwitz
Born and died September 28, 2009
10th of Tishrei, 5770

Goodbye my sweet boy.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

I got my chance May 8, 2009.  I announced the meal as vegan and gluten-free (the other meals there are vegetarian or vegetarian plus some fish), planned a menu, and set to work.  I quickly realized that, while my cooking skills are pretty good, my catering skills are quite lacking.  It didn’t help that we were never sure exactly how many people would show up (RSVPs are due two days before, but they’re flexible).

I planned for 20, got 18 (equivalent of 15 since several were small children), and cooked enough for 30.  Whoops.

A few folks lingering over dinner

After many years of cooking Passover Seders for upwards of 20 people, I have learned the trick of saving complex or new recipes for smaller venues.  Everything I made was simple to moderate and something I’d cooked many times before.

The Menu:

Chili-Cornbread Casserole
Roasted vegetables (red beets, golden beets, rutabaga, & leek with rosemary)
Green salad (romaine, cherry tomato, daikon radish, carrot, orange cauliflower, & mustard balsamic dressing)
Fresh strawberries with cashew cream
Challah (from masa) with sesame seed & oatmeal

Chili Cornbread Casserole

The good news is the food all came out fabulous.  No mishaps at all.  I can’t tell you how relieved I was about that.  The bad news is we had some disasters with the timing.  One of the disadvantages to cooking a large meal outside of your home is that you tend to forget things.  Well, Michael and I left a box of miscellaneous items behind.  Unfortunately, they were essential items for both of the dishes I had to finish up and bake in the synagogue kitchen.

Michael running home to get it set us back about 45 minutes, and we were already running 15 minutes late.  So everything was pushed back an hour (which means at least my time estimates were dead on).  The challah also took longer than expected, even though I had deliberately made them thinner than usual so they’d cook faster.

Salad and strawberries

All in all, I’d call it a success.  The next time I get the chance to cook for a crowd, I’ll have a clearer idea of amounts.  And hopefully the timing will work out better.

Roasted root vegetables

For anyone interested in the amounts of ingredients I used and what it all cost, check out my blog entry Catering Lessons: The Cost of Cooking for 30.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Sukkot occurs 5 days after Yom Kippur, in late September or October.  It reminds us of the time when the Jews wandered in the desert in the years between leaving slavery in Egypt and entering the land of Israel.  The Sukkah (or Succah) is a temporary hut reflective of the ones carried through the desert during the Exodus.

It can be any size: big enough for one person or for a crowd.  You spend the 8 days of the holiday taking your meals in it, or sleeping there if you wish.  One wall can be a building and another is open (or partially open).  The other two are made out of just about any material.  Our two side walls weren’t as sturdy as the article linked to above say is required, but they worked.

The roof needs to be of materials grown from the ground.  We used mulberry branches from the tree in the pictures.  You should be able to see the stars but not have gaps that are too large.

I organized the Sukkah building party (for Sunday, just before the start of the holiday Monday at sundown) before I had a clue what we were going to use as materials. Then our tenant built a raised bed for my garden.  I said it was too tall and he said, no problem, I’ll just cut off the top.  When I saw the leftover wood, I knew immediately that was the Sukkah roof’s frame.  It was small but I figured it was big enough for our family to eat in and we could each spend some time standing in it for the gathering.  I also considered the mulberry tree to be an extension of the Sukkah roof.

So, here’s how we started: one wobbly wood frame, an open space in the driveway (dig that new gravel we put down a few weeks ago), an old garage door we’re painting this year (so I don’t care about screw holes), some scrap wood, the chuppah poles from our wedding (6 foot long dowels wrapped in ribbon), and some miscellaneous tools and fasteners.

Sukkah Frame

First, we reinforced the frame with some extra nails.  Then we cut some scrap wood and nailed a piece across each of the 4 corners.  This was to serve as a stop for the poles.  Next, we turned the frame over, put the poles so they were on top of the scrap wood corners, and held them to the frame with pipe clamps.  Finally, what you see in the picture, is someone pre-drilling the holes in the frame for screwing the frame to the garage.

Building the Sukkah

Did I mention that both the batteries for my electric drill and circular saw (interchangeable batteries) were dead?  Yes, I’d charged them, but they’re old.  Couldn’t find our hand saws either.   We borrowed a circular saw for the scrap wood but had to use hammer and nails for the hole pre-drilling and brute strength to screw the frame to the garage door.

Putting the Sukkah up

We did it!  Our Sukkah was a 4′x8′ wooden frame screwed to a garage.  With 6′ poles on all corners, helping support the weight and create the structure.  A friend loaned us the clothes for the two side walls and I tacked an old sheet up for the back wall.  The floor was an old area rug and we covered the roof with freshly cut mulberry branches.

The round glass-top table was inside the Sukkah most of the time but we pulled it out for our celebration potluck Wednesday night.  We added some more tables to hold food and other items.

Our Sukkah decorations were minimal but we had some Stars of David Miriam made in Synagogue over the High Holy Days, beeswax candles from Bloomfield Bees, and half a dozen pumpkins from Peterson’s Farm.

Our dinner was the cornbread challah I invented for the occasion, ceviche, a couple of salads, wine and seltzer.

Celebrating Sukkot

All in all, I’m very proud of our Sukkah (and no telling me how pathetic it was…it doesn’t look like the pictures you see in books but it met the religious requirements and was a lot of fun).  Maybe soon all those bricks will be my long-dreamed of patio and we’ll eat outside all year round.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

At our last time hosting a Jewish potluck with these friends, we made a great challah from a Pamela’s bread mix.  It came out great and worked well with a braid too.  But Miriam had her first life-threatening allergic reaction in August and our top suspect is tapioca (negative in the allergy testing but we’re not letting her have it until we can do it in a controlled manner with medical backup).  As anyone gluten-free for a while knows, pretty much every gluten-free bread mix or product on the market contains tapioca.  It’s a great flour, but Pamela’s has it too and we just can’t take the chance.

I ordered some more of Primavera’s fabulous organic masa and was going to make tortillas (to go with the ceviche I made for the main dish).  Then I thought…what if I braided and baked it instead?

First I took the fresh masa, scooped some chucks out of the bag with a spoon, evened them out, and rolled them into 3 balls.

Masa rolled into balls

Then, I rolled each ball into a log.

Masa balls rolled into lengths

And braided it, crimping the ends well and pushing down on the dough so it wouldn’t come apart.

Braided dough

Then it went for a roll (all sides) in a plate of sesame seeds.  I added some oatmeal so it would be “bread” we could say Hamotzi over.  This is completely optional if you don’t need it for religious purposes.  The oats didn’t change the taste or texture at all.  If you react to the wheat contamination in most oats, use ones certified gluten-free.  The sesame, on the other hand, was delicious and added a nice crunch.

Sesame seeds and oatmeal

I carefully moved each loaf to a baking pan generously coated with olive oil.

Challah ready for baking

I baked them at 325*F for about 35 minutes, turning once halfway through (use two spatulas so they don’t break apart).  I left them in the oven with the heat off for another 10 minutes or so.

Finished challah

Miriam ate about half of what was there and the rest of us made sure the plate was empty.  Even the nonallergic folks thought it was fabulous.   It came out dense and chewy, almost like a bagel (hmmm…) but still light enough to have the mouthfeel of bread.

I’ll have to experiment a little.  The oil kept it from sticking and also made it richer, which was what I was going for.  Without the oil, it might taste more like a tortilla.  But, overall, I’m very happy with how it came out.

Happiness is a little girl jumping for joy singing “it’s challah that doesn’t make me sick!!!”

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Challah is a braided egg bread that plays an important role in the weekly Shabbat prayers.  As you pray, you touch the bread, or touch someone touching it.  Though of course I don’t have any or allow Miriam to eat it, that isn’t enough when it’s happening in my house.  We can’t leave the crumbs and contaminated surfaces behind when people go home.  And cleaning well often isn’t 100%.

So I decided to make challah.  Or at least a bread-like substance that was challah-like.  Technically, challah should contain chametz (one of the 5 grains, also meaningful for Passover), but fortunately no one minded that it didn’t.

I’m not much of a baker (i.e., I stink) so I just bought a mix.  The bread a friend made from Pamela’s Amazing Wheat-Free mix was so good, I got that one.

Pamela’s Amazing Wheat-Free Bread Mix
INGREDIENTS: Sorghum Flour, Tapioca Flour, Sweet Rice Flour, Brown Rice Flour, Organic Natural Evaporated Cane Sugar, Chicory Root, White Rice Flour, Millet Flour, Honey and Molasses; Rice Bran, Sea Salt, Xanthan Gum, Yeast Packet.
1 slice of bread (1/16th of loaf) has 25 usable grams of carbs (29 total minus 4 fiber).

As it happens, they even have a recipe for turning the mix into challah on their website.

We used the egg-free alternative directions but super-concentrated it.  So for 3 eggs, I used 1/2 cup of water and 4 tablespoons flaxmeal.  We also made it dairy-free

Recipe:

1 bag Pamela’s Wheat-Free Bread Mix
Equivalent of 3 eggs
1/4 cup palm shortening, melted
1/2 cup soy milk (use anything)
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup warm water
1 yeast packet (enclosed)

The recipe calls for a stand mixer, which we don’t have.  It recommends a whisk attachment, which we do have on our stick blender.  But that made the too-dry dough fly all over.  Even adding some water didn’t help.  So Michael mixed it by hand with a large whisk then kneaded it with his hands.

Now the mixture was too sticky, so I added some brown rice flour as Michael kneaded.  And it turned out glossy and smooth and really nice.  It was so easy to handle I just braided it by hand instead of the plastic bag piping business the website recommends.

I think I could have easily done a true braid, but I started easy  by just making two long rolls and twisting them then sealing the ends.  I did this on a floured (rice) cutting board then moved it (with a dough scraper) to a greased baking pan.

I wanted to put sesame seeds on the outside, but didn’t have any.  So I did a light sprinkling of some ground sesame salt we had.  I didn’t do anything in place of the egg wash for the outside.

I put this in the oven, turned it on to 150*F for a minute, then turned it off (it was a cool day), and let it rise for a little over an hour.  Then we turned the oven on to 350*F and let it bake for one hour.  The bottom got a bit over-brown, almost black, but was still edible, and the crust was strong and thick.  The insides were soft and luscious.  I didn’t do a good job sealing one of the ends.  Also the two twists never really melded together and were like separate pieces of bread.

Our guests all loved the bread, though it didn’t really taste like challah and all of them were wheat-eaters.  I’d gladly make it every week if it weren’t so carby.  It’s definitely a winner for special occasions.  I think dividing it into two loaves and baking it for less time would soften the crust while still cooking the insides.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

This year, a first-night seder on April 19, 2008, wasn’t the most stressful, but it was the weirdest.  All the food came out well but, otherwise, everything that could have gone wrong did.

I always find dietary and other restrictions to be a challenge (in a fun competitive sense) and I pride myself on creating a safe space for all of my guests, with food they can eat (perhaps not everything, but a decent meal).  But this year pushed me to the brink.

We had our own restrictions: no meat, nothing that Miriam is allergic to (she can get sick from crumbs and I want her to have a few days a year with other people where she can eat anything she wants), no chemical products on the guests, etc, but they’re seamless for us.  And we can still have a full seder.

(In foreground: matzoh plate next to my seat; in background: the main table with Miriam (brown dress), her Aunties Connie and Jan (holding babies), 3 other friends, and Grandma Julie standing at right.  The note on the door to our bedroom warns people not to open it, since that’s where the kitties spent the evening.)

This year, due to medical issues with guests, we had to leave the doors and windows wide open but couldn’t turn on the heat, we couldn’t light our candles (beeswax even), we couldn’t take photographs (except when the reactive guest left the room, so my food and other photos are lacking), we had two guests who invited themselves at the last minute (and one arrived scented and had to scramble to change clothes and wash-up), dinner was completely out of order and late, we had 4 (yes, four) cancellations the day of the seder, there were 2 guests who simply didn’t show up (medical emergency and they had a bad email address for me), oh and we nearly killed one guest (her fish allergy, which we always managed to accomodate in the past by being careful, was far worse that day, and we did more last minute cooking than usual, which made for more fumes)

Add to that the fact that I dropped a few of the usual rituals and customs to save time, but then ended up with even more gone due to the above restrictions.  We didn’t start with eating hardboiled eggs like we have in most years, due to Miriam’s allergy.  Two years in a row now I’ve had the idea of using whole walnuts instead, but then I can’t find any.  We skipped the handwashing and didn’t sing a single song.  And the post meal sections got lost entirely.  No Elijah’s cup, which I’m still upset over.  We only did the hunt for the affikomen.  It felt more like a dinner party than a seder.

Oy.

We were supposed to have 20 guests (including 5 children) but, with all the additions and subtractions, we ended up with 16 (including 4 children).  Three were new to our seder (2 had never been to any seder).

We had two tables.  The main one is our regular dining room table.  Michael always sits there, at the end furthest from the kitchen.  Then we move a buffet and desk back to add another table.  I always sit at this one, in the chair nearest the kitchen (behind the wood doors to the right).

(Main table to left has Grandma Julie (white shirt) and 2 friends; secondary table has my cousin Sara next to Miriam (visiting from the other table) and 3 friends)

Ritual Foods:

Oat flour matzoh
Horseradish
Parsley
Wine
Grape juice
Charoset
Salt water
Roasted beet (an ancient alternative to a roasted lamb shank)
Roasted egg

(Seder Plate: Parsley, horseradish root, roasted egg, roasted beet, salt water, charoset)

Dinner Menu:

Beet borscht
Gefilte fish
Mushroom and olive compote
Baked yams
Pan seared roasted halibut with rosemary
Drinks: Wine (red & white), grape juice, water, seltzer, lemon slices
Dessert: Macadamia Nut Torte

(Connie offers a toast)

(Sara gets Miriam some yams, as a friend looks on)

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

I started with two horseradish roots. They were 8 – 12 inches in length, and fairly skinny, maybe an inch or two in diameter. I chopped them into inch-long segments like so:

Then I loaded them into the food processor. Prepared Horseradish is either white or red, the latter colored by the addition of a small amount of beet; I find it augments the taste in a subtle but pleasant manner. I added in a small piece, maybe equivalent in size to one or two of the horseradish root slices.

A splash of white vinegar serves two purposes. First off, it lubricates the food processing so that the blades actually grind up the root slices; otherwise, they simply get moved around and jam the blades. Also. it acts as a preservative. The finished horseradish quickly loses its heat when exposed to air, and the more vinegar you add, the better it will retain its heat (although you don’t want to add too much, as it will be excessively moist and vinegary-tasting).

Process until it is finely ground, with no chunks of white root visibly remaining. Occasionally stop the blades so you can scrape the sides with a butter knife. But be careful … the mix at this stage is extremely powerful and it will bring tears to your eyes.

Once it’s done, immediately dish a few tablespoons out into small serving bowls. This should be one of the last tasks you do before the meal, because if it loses too much of its heat while sitting on the open table it will be bland and uninspiring. In the past, I have been shy about adding vinegar, and the result was almost tasteless by the time our guests bit into it (compensation perhaps for one year in which I somehow made it far too strong, and nearly killed all our guests simultaneously in the process).

After it’s served, be sure to return the lid of the food processor to its place so the mix is kept away from air as much as possible.

When we have leftovers, I transfer them again to glass jars, and make sure the lids are sealed tightly on at all times when they are not in immediate use.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

This is only the second time we’ve made gefilte (gelfilte, gelfelte, gefelte) fish. The stuff in jars is pretty good (some people hate it but I grew up on and adore the stuff) but every last brand has eggs in it. And pretty much all have gluten (matzoh meal), many have MSG, and some even have preservatives. The eggs make it forbidden food in our house.

For Passover 2006, we used a recipe I adapted from two found online:

Yahoo Food
About.com Home Cooking

We used 3 lbs of halibut (I made the mistake of getting it on the bone–what a pain!–though it did mean we had skins for the stock) and simmered it in stock for a couple of hours. It came out well, with good texture (not as compact as the jarred kind, but still firm) but quite bland. With extra seasoning and horseradish, they were quite acceptable.

I would have liked to use carp, but the only decent source is 45 mins away and we didn’t have time. So this year I decided to use rockfish. Partly because it has more flavor than halibut and partly because we were serving halibut for the main course.

I used less fish because it was boneless. And I doubled most of the seasonings.

Gefilte Fish Recipe:

2.5 lbs fresh fish fillets (you can use any white fish or even non-white; we used 2.57 lbs of rockfish
6 large carrots
4 large onions
4 eggs or flaxseed goo replacement (we used 4 TB flaxmeal in 1 1/3 cups water, heated
8 TB almond meal
3 TB salt
1.5 TB white pepper
3 TB sugar
3/4 cup ice water (or as needed)

Bone and skin fish, if necessary (save for stock). Food process carrots and onions until fine, transfer to large bowl. Gently pulse fish in small batches. You don’t want total mush but it should be chopped well. Add seasonings in with a fish batch to distribute them more evenly.

Add the almond meal and cooled flax goo to the bowl and mix well with a pastry blender to break up chunks. As you mix, add the water as need to make the consistency right. Don’t add it all unless you need it.

Get the stock going (we didn’t have stock prepared so we used plain water). Then form the mix into small firmly packed ovals.

Gently drop into the simmering water.

Okay, so now you simmer (meaning medium-low heat, no boiling) for 2 hours, remove with a slotted spoon, and chill completely before serving. Easy, right?

Well, no. Our balls totally and utterly fell apart. I figured out that much of the problem was that the water got up to boiling and the pressure of it (all those bubbles) destroyed the fragile balls. But what made them so fragile?

I have a few theories

1. I made Michael a cup of water (chilled in the fridge), with strict instructions to add a little bit at a time, as needed, and not use it all. He misheard me and dumped it all in at once.
2. The almond meal was homemade (most of it went into the dessert) and pretty coarse. Almond flour would have been better.
3. Maybe there were too many carrots and/or onions.

Whatever the reasons, we had fish soup on our hands. Even the best balls were a mess. So I decided to try straining the fish (with pressure on it to squeeze out as much liquid as possible) and sticking it in a mold to chill. I saved the fish broth and froze it.

Guess what? it worked! I would have loved a pretty mold, but couldn’t find one (aside from a plastic Christmas mold I have no idea how I got). So I used a glass Pyrex baking/storage dish and cut the gefilte fish into squares.

It came out pretty good. Decent flavor and texture. But next year I’m going to stuff it in a mold and use the water bath method to cook it. Without eggs and wheat (and fancy machinery), it is always going to be a delicate dish.

Serve with plenty of fresh horseradish.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Fortunately for our taste buds, variety is allowed. This may be the most popular recipe in the US, but it’s far from the only possibility. Charoset is a ritual food used during the Passover seder so there are some qualities it needs to have. It is the reminder for mortar, which Jews in ancient Eqypt used to make bricks, one of the main tasks set upon them during centuries of slavery, according to the Torah.

I’ve had some wonderful non-apple-based charosets over the years, and I thought about making one of them for Passover this year (2008) but we were making several new dishes and that was too much. I love the traditional kind though.

No exact measures here. So much is personal preference. This recipe makes enough for 20 people, often with some leftovers. It depends how much your family and guests like to eat. And if you want enough to last you all week (makes a nice dessert, or works as a side dish with dinner, especially with leftover horseradish).

Recipe:

6 large apples (I’ve found Braeburn to be the best)
A bit of fresh lemon juice (optional, if you’re working with a lot of apples)
2 cups walnuts
Honey to taste
Splash of red wine (or grape juice; we’d use more wine if there weren’t children)
1 TB or so cinnamon

The rest is pretty simple. Chop the apples. Michael generally does half to a semi-paste in the food processor and half chopped by hand. You can add some nuts too to make a paste or grind them coarsely.

Then mix in the other ingredients. Serve chilled or at room temperature. Because of nut-allergic guests, we always make a nut-free version. Sometimes we make a grape juice one too.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Matzoh (aka matzah, matza, matzo) used during a Passover seder must come from one of five specific grains: wheat, spelt, rye, barley, and oats. The first four are all gluten grains. These grains are forbidden during the eight days of Passover unless they are in matzoh form. There are other crackers you can make that are perfectly acceptable for use during Passover, but they aren’t from one of the five grains, so they can’t be used for the blessing.

This leaves oats. Oats are in the grass family but a different subsection from the gluten grasses/grains. They don’t have any gluten themselves but are closely enough related to gluten grains like wheat that a few gluten-intolerant folks also can’t have oats. But the vast majority of celiacs and others who are gluten-free who react to oats do so because they are almost always harvested and processed on the same equipment as wheat, so they are contaminated.

There do exist gluten-free oats; where the growers and processors take special care not to contaminate them. So far, they are expensive and don’t come organic. This will probably change in the future. Bob’s Red Mill is one supplier.

And there is a company that takes those gluten-free oats and makes Kosher for Passover matzoh from them. A Godsend for many Jews!

Shemura Oat Matzos

Also sold through MatzahOnline and distributed in stores in the US, Canada, South Africa, Israel, the UK, and Australia.

But, at $35 for a box of 3 (that’s the round handshaped, though the regular aren’t much less), plus shipping, yeah…well, maybe not.

So, I decided to make it myself. Some frum (strictly observent) Jews won’t make their own matzoh at all, because of some picky things that can go wrong. Others will do it but won’t accept my method, because I used oatmeal, which is already cut up. I would have tried oat grouts, but I wasn’t sure I could grind them with the equipment I have.

I’m not frum or Orthodox and my Rabbi (Conservative) is cool with my doing my own matzoh, so that’s good enough for me. I did take care with the preparation though.

The basic rules are:

1. Every piece of equipment you use must be completely cleaned of grain residue.
2. No yeast or other leavening may be added.
3. The time from the first possible contact with water, until the matzohs are safely in the oven baking, must not exceed 18 minutes.

Technically, this means oatmeal or oat flour is out because it could have contacted water during the grinding process, but I used oatmeal anyway. I couldn’t find oat flour. I am not sure how acceptable oat grouts used in this way would be to a frum Jew and I would be curious to find out.

Recipe:

2 cups oatmeal
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup water

Makes 2 large matzohs

You can double (etc) the recipe, but be sure to have extra hands to help if you are doing this within the time limit. I think I could have easily doubled it and been fine by myself, but I wanted to test the recipe and make sure I could do it fast enough, so I made two batches, each with the above amount. I carefully washed everything in-between batches.

For my first batch, I used 1/2 tsp salt (not quite enough) and worked quickly without being hurried. I got them into the oven in under 10 mins. For the second batch, I worked slowly but without distraction. I made it in about 13 mins.

I started the clock when I poured the oatmeal into the measuring cup, since it was slightly damp from rinsing and drying.

Instructions:

Measure the oatmeal, pour into a food processor with a normal blade, or the grinder of your choice. Grind fairly fine, with the salt, at least so 2/3 is flour, if not more.

Set aside a bit of flour and put the rest into a bowl. Add most of the water (most of the recipes for wheat matzoh call for 2 or 3 times the amount of water. To my surprise, the oats on took half a cup).

Knead the dough well, adding more flour or water as needed. Spend a good 2-3 minutes on kneading.

Put on to a surface, use the extra flour for the top and bottom, and roll out with a rolling pin. You want it as thin as possible without breaking. If you are a skilled baker, your results will not look like mine.

Use a dough scraper, or other wide thin utensil, to pick up dough in one piece.

Place on to an unseasoned baking tray. I used a broiling pan so the heat would distribute more evenly. Bake at 400*F for several minutes, until crisp. Turn once halfway through. These took about 13 minutes or so to cook. They may be slightly bendy when they come out, but they’ll firm up as they cool.

Don’t make the mistake we did and store them in a container when still warm. Let them cool first. Otherwise, they start to get soft again. Ours were slightly leathery after a couple of hours.

These matzohs have real flavor. No cardboard crackers here. Our seder guests inhaled them. Usually we have lots of leftover matzoh, but this time we were lucky to have enough for the Affikomen.

Links:

Matzoh Unleavened Passover Bread
Basic recipe and instructions for making your own. Assumes you are using wheat or spelt. 2 cups flour to 1 cup water.

How to Make Homemade Matzoh Bread
Recipe and instructions using a speciality flour (probably wheat). 3 cups flour to 1 cup water.

What is Matzah?
No recipes but general info and a cool picture of homemade matzah.

Mission: Possible – Gluten-Free (Mock) Matzo
Almond-based Passover-safe cracker recipe. Full recipe with pictures.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Like anyone else who doesn’t remain homebound, I get whammed once in a while. Depending on what the chemical is, I’m usually okay after a few minutes or hours (with a few notable exceptions!). I may need to shower and change, or use oxygen, but I recover. More chronic exposures are the ones that get me, and I almost never have those anymore.

Last week, a friend of a friend passed away and we went to the funeral on Thursday. I couldn’t tell if there was anything bad at the mortuary but there were large numbers of people wearing fragrance (why?!). The ceiling was high and I wasn’t in terrible shape, though I got a headache.

The next day, Friday, we went to the widow’s house for shiva (visiting the mourners who are sitting at home for a week) and I was exposed to scented candles (unlit). It wasn’t terribly strong and I stayed away from them as best I could. That evening, I had dinner in someone else’s home where the condo itself is safe but the association sprays outside (nothing recent; I didn’t notice anything, but I get a bit worn down when I’m there).

Saturday was a party at a home that is mostly safe, but there are lots of little things here and there, and various scented people. Also a long drive to and from past cities and refineries (air on recirculate of course, but some gets in anyway).

By that evening, at a very safe meeting in a very safe building, I was toast. Burnt soggy toast.

Any one of those exposures would have been enough to get me for a few hours, some with headaches, but they would have cleared. Put them all together and I’m a dysfunctional mess.

I had a revelation that day, yesterday. The fuzzy head, the inability to feel properly inside my body, the feeling that someone else was talking for me, not being able to focus, going to a lecture and knowing there was no way I could take notes, and of course the constant background headache and body pain and just plain malaise…that’s how I felt all through grad school.

That’s why I couldn’t get work done. I wasn’t “sick” persay, most of the time, but I wasn’t there. It isn’t a lack of motivation or desire, but I couldn’t pull back and look at the big picture. I was stuck, moment by moment, in a body that didn’t function and a brain that was like mush.

Grad school was when I was diagnosed with MCS (the symptoms started earlier but mostly didn’t interfere with anything, except going places with cigarette smoke). But I always assumed most of my inability to do my work was emotional. But here I was yesterday with the same feelings, the same dysfunctions, all clearly caused by several mild to moderate exposures adding up into one big neurological tangle.

I’ve been having other symptoms as well. Migraines, focused joint pain in my left little finger and left ankle, and edema in my lower legs, something I used to have regularly but haven’t had for about 3 years.

I take care of myself these days. I do have exposures here and there, but I spread them out and don’t take foolish chances. So, for example, I’ll go shop at Costco, but I won’t go down the laundry aisle. Or I’ll go to a lecture, but I won’t go to an outdoor rally. It is possible I was exposed to something I don’t know about (like a pesticide, though I haven’t been getting any of my other usual pesticide symptoms) or this could just be about repeated exposure.

I’ve been lax since Miriam was born about taking my supplements every day and other things that used to be necessary to keep me going. And I’m not always good about doing all the other things I need to do.

Survival Techniques:

* When returning home from an event with an exposure, immediately put clothes into the laundry (don’t sit on anything).
* If there is any chance of lingering chemicals, shower and wash hair.
* For really bad exposures, take charcoal (drink extra water and don’t eat or take anything else for 1-2 hours).
* Take vitamin C. Lots of it. Repeatedly.
* Take other supplements. Basic multi, B’s, other antioxidants, etc.
* Eat fat. Good organic fat.
* Drink lots of water.
* Eat protein and fiber and no junk.

I woke up with a nasty migraine this morning and then realized my hair smelled like perfume. I hadn’t smelled anything on me before (and I had been changing my clothes and rinsing my face, arms, and head) but here I was violating my own rule. So I showered and washed my hair and had Michael change my pillowcase. The headache went down into the background.

I have more commitments that will involve exposures but I will be cautious. Tonight we went for Kaddish (the prayer for the dead, which requires a minyan (10 Jewish adults)). The scented candles were lit this time but the house was full and I knew there was more than a minyan there, so I stayed outside while Michael quickly explained things and we left. We will return during the week when fewer people will be there and the candles will be unlit.

I lived like this for years. Constant symptoms, always in crisis, small exposures pushing me over the edge so I felt like nothing I did was safe. When you have chronic exposures, it becomes impossible to figure out symptoms and causes from timing or anything else. They meld together. So sometimes you think the entire world is dangerous or that it is really all you and not anything external.

When you take care of yourself, these chronic symptoms go away. I’m not cured, obviously, but I do pretty well when I am careful. So many people new to MCS (and many who are old-timers) haven’t learned this yet. Sometimes it’s because they live someplace where it is impossible to get away from exposures, or they must work and it’s not safe there, or they know the lesson but had too many chemical injuries and now have severe damage.

It’s hard to pull yourself out of the world enough to make your life safe for you. It’s easier to make excuses. I don’t get worse when I use my shampoo, so there must be nothing bad there. Except that, with a chronic exposure, there is no way to know.

Leaving grad school and giving up my career and dreams was the hardest thing I ever did. I had no choice at the time: I was simply unable to do the work. Not working now, and giving up on my other possible careers, is equally hard. Missing out on social opportunities and parenting networks, losing religious community (I can’t go into most of the synagogues around here due to pesticides and perfume), limiting my outings. All very difficult. But doing it has made it possible for me to have a life. A child. A spouse. A brain.

©2010 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.