There’s one right here in Petaluma, the Sonoma-Marin Fair, which, despite the name, is pretty darned small.  They are home to the World’s Ugliest Dog Contest (a fabulous event, drawing folks from around the country, that brings love and attention to dogs that might otherwise be unadoptable). They also have no nonsmoking policy.  I normally skip it but this year some friends had free tickets, so we went.  I had to use my respirator when outdoors, except in the kiddie carnival section (which consisted of about half a dozen rides) and it was insanely hot that day.  So I checked out the (air conditioned) exhibits then went home after an hour.  Michael and Miriam stayed another hour then I came to pick them up.

Sonoma-Marin Fair
Petaluma, Calif
5 days in late June
At least 6 acres
Adults (13+) $15, Kids (4-12) $10, Kids 0-3 free, Seniors (65+) $8. Admission includes rides
Parking free but tight

I also enjoy the Marin County Fair, which is a bit bigger with lots of exhibits, booths, and shows.  Plus fireworks every night over a lagoon.  Smoking is only allowed in a few well-marked smoking tents (that smoke does not easily escape from), though there are always a few who think the rules don’t apply to them. The Marin Fair doesn’t use pesticides and tries to use less toxic cleaning and other products, well as green projects to save energy.

Marin County Fair
San Rafael, Calif
5 days in early July (always includes the 4th)
28 carnival rides, at least 6 acres (for carnival)
Adults (13+) $15, Kids (4-12) $13, Kids 0-3 free, Seniors (65+) & disabled $13. Admission includes rides (extra charge for 3 rides)
Parking $6, very crowded (can take a long time to get in or out), & often a hike

But the fair I consider local is the Sonoma County Fair. A good number of booths, huge livestock/animal section, the “largest themed flower show in the United States,” and horse racing.  This fair suffers from a confused (and unmotivated) smoking policy.  Two days, kids days, are entirely nonsmoking until 7pm, with so-so enforcement and signage (though it was much better this year, possibly because I spoke with the staff about it ahead of time and they promised to do better).  The other days smoking is allowed everywhere except for a spot here, a spot there, and so on (with poor signage).  They seem to believe that only children need to avoid cigarette smoke (nearly all the outdoors nonsmoking areas are the kids’ areas and their signs ask people to protect children’s health) and that smoke does not travel (or that people don’t ever travel from one “safe” spot to another).  My hope is that I can convince them to follow Marin’s example and set up comfortable and convenient, but contained, smoking areas and make the rest smoke free.

Sonoma County Fair
Santa Rosa, Calif
13 days in late July, early August
Entire complex 200 acres; carnival 5 acres plus large separate kiddie carnival
Adults (13+) $9, Kids (7-12) $3, Kids 0-6 free, Special free days for kids or seniors.  A couple events and big name concerts are extra.  Rides are not included with admission.  Pay $3-5/ride or get a wristband for unlimited rides for $25 ($15 if purchased in advance)
Parking $6-8

Miriam's first real ferris wheel was at the Marin Fair last month, but this one in Sonoma was far bigger

Last year was the first time I’d ever entered a Fair contest.  Miriam entered 3 photographs and won 2 ribbons.  I won 3rd place for my blog (out of 5 entries) and nothing for my date nut bars.

This year, only I entered.  How thrilled was I to enter the exhibit hall and see this:

I won 2nd place for my dried apricots!

Until I went looking around for my competition and discovered this was it.

All entries for dried food

Yep that’s right.  There were 4 entries for dried meat and only one for produce.  Apricots were their own class (so were apples and pears).  I asked the staff why, if I was the only one, I didn’t get first place.  Apparently, it’s not just about the order you fall in but about meeting certain standards.  If you look at the meats though, you’ll see that only one of them won a prize, despite there being 5 ribbons available for each class.  So my fruit might not have been top notch (probably because I cut them before drying; they’re delicious but not the flattened globes most people are used to) but it was prize-worthy.

I fared much better with my other entry.  There were at least a dozen poems in my class, free verse, and I won 3rd place.

My poem, Suddenly Fall, wins 3rd place!

This is the poem, Suddenly Fall, I wrote after William’s death.  You can read the text more easily on its blog page.

I discovered this year that the Marin Fair, with huge numbers of contest entries, allows entries from neighboring counties.  And I might do the Sonoma Harvest Fair this fall.  For the Sonoma County Fair, fine arts (especially painting/drawing and photography) are well populated, but food contests are mixed.

As for the rest of the Fair, we had a swinging good time for 4 hours, until we went into the Pavilion to check out the business booths and Miriam suddenly started crying to go home.  She has been extra sensitive to foods and chemicals lately so who knows.  Unfortunately, we never did get to see the animals this year, see the flower show, go to most booths, play any games, or finish with our rides.  Ah well.  We’ll be back next year.

Miriam & Cyndi on the Fair swings

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Yesterday morning I woke with a poem on the brain.  And wanted to share it.

Suddenly Fall

The signs are small
In the land of sun.
Morning’s chill wind,
Fog’s shattered tears,
The angle of shadows.

Here, from my window
That does not open,
I see only the sun
Rising and setting.
As if the universe goes on.

Inside this room
My body heals
And my mind stalks my soul
Demanding why? why? why?

Ripped from me too soon
Was the sun.
Placed into a world of air
Where he flickered and dimmed
Unable to accept the wind.

Yet outside the seasons turned
Without my knowing.
Till finally I walked outside
Into the cold slap of Fall.
Alone.

(For my son William, born September 28, 2009 by emergency c-section, and died a few hours later due to under-development of the lungs.)

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

This will be my last pregnancy update.

I was 36 weeks pregnant on Saturday, September 26, 2009.  40 weeks is the “due date” and 37 weeks is considered “full term.”  But 36 weeks is considered safe and close enough to full term.  It is the minimum gestation to have a home birth, which is what I was planning.

The pregnancy was very very hard on me with lots of fatigue and discomfort, but was going quite well from all other ways of looking at it.  The baby was growing at just the right rate.  He moved a lot and his heartbeat was always perfect.  I had an ultrasound at 20 weeks which showed he was a boy and that everything looked normal. My blood pressure was 110/60 or a bit less every time.  My last midwife appt was Wednesday before this all happened and my blood pressure was normal, along with everything else.

On Sunday, he only kicked and moved twice, at 11am and 6pm, no matter how much I poked and prodded.  And each of those times it was weak and short-lived.  When his position dropped a week and a half earlier (normal pre-birth occurrence), his movement also decreased but he checked out fine and started kicking at normal levels shortly afterward.  So I kept telling myself it was nothing.

Sunday night was the start of Yom Kippur services and we were at synagogue.  When services were over around 10pm, I went to one of the members who was a doctor and got her advice.  She said to call my midwife immediately.  I did and the midwife said to head directly to the ER.  The ER close to our house isn’t very home birth friendly and doesn’t have great OB services so we were going to go to my backup hospital way south of us.  But we already 10 mins north of our home and Michael was too tired to drive far, so we decided to go to Sutter Santa Rosa which our midwife often uses as a backup and where several doctor members of the synagogue happen to work.  The plan was to get monitored for an hour or two then go home.

We arrived about 11pm and were immediately sent up to labor and delivery and put on a monitor.  When I heard the perfect strong heartbeat I felt so relieved and thought that was it, we’d be sent home.  But the heartbeat was too perfect.  It’s supposed to go up and down with movement, only he didn’t move.

My blood pressure was high, in the 140′s to 160′s, with the bottom number in the 70′s I think (hard to remember) and there was protein in my urine.  I had had edema in my lower legs for ages.  Those three things together are not good though and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.

They sent me for an ultrasound.  They do a rating out of 8 points.  He got a 2.  The heartbeat was strong but there was nothing but tiny movements and the blood flow through the cord was impaired.  One of his lungs was collapsed and they didn’t know why.  They told us he was better off outside of me than inside.  They thought his brain was probably not affected at this point and that he would probably be okay, though he’d need some intervention.  A c-section was the only possible choice.

They waited until my midwife Claudette arrived (once in the hospital she became my doula).  I am very anti-c-section except for medical emergencies but I knew this was the only option.  I chose my midwife precisely  because she does not follow mainstream thinking and has the skills and experience to safely help women choose to avoid interventions they are sometimes pushed into.  She told me to have the c-section.

I spoke with the surgeon and the anesthesiologist about my chemical sensitivities and drug reactions and they were very accommodating and worked with me well.  I was still scared to death and crying. But I would do anything to save my baby’s life and this seemed to be it.

At 2am they took me to the operating room.  The surgery was just awful.  No pain or anything but it felt just horrible all around. It was an emergency but not the full-out get the baby out right away kind so I had a spinal vs general anesthesia and they were able to take their time so my internal organs didn’t get too messed up.  Claudette held my hand the whole time and Michael stayed with Miriam in the room where she was sleeping on a mattress the staff set up.

William Gabriel Norwitz was born at 2:54am.

They wouldn’t let me see him.  I had almost no updates.  They had a team of doctors working on him.  He didn’t cry.  They intubated him but it took 3 tries.  I had to stay there for another long long while (I’m guessing half an hour but it felt much longer) to be sewn up.

I went to the recovery room but still didn’t know how my son was.  I knew he had been intubated and was in the NICU and that he had a cleft lip.  Post-surgery, my blood pressure went up.  And up.  At first they weren’t too worried and gave me meds.  But my pressure was more than 200/100 (dipping down to the 170′s or 180′s as well) for a couple of hours after several doses of a couple different meds.  I could tell how freaked out everyone was.  I knew I was in danger of a stroke or seizure or death.  I didn’t care.

They let Michael go see William and told him he was “probably not going to make it.”  I was shocked when I heard this.  I was worried about brain damage but thought he would survive.  We woke Miriam up.  A few minutes later, Michael and Miriam went to see him and Michael asked for some hard numbers.  What are his chances?  He was told “zero.”

I told them over and over again, do not let my son die before I can see him.  It took a very long time but they finally brought him into my room in an incubator.  I couldn’t move my lower body yet and could only reach his hand to hold it.  He looked so unhappy and uncomfortable.  I told them I wanted to hold him.  Our Rabbi was on her way and they were afraid of transferring him before she arrived.  I kept insisting but logistics kept it from happening.

When the Rabbi arrived it still took a while but they did give him to me.  I opened my gown and placed him skin to skin on my chest and arm, then we put a blanket over both of us.  He had the ventilator breathing for him and his eyes were gooey so I’m not sure he could see anything (I still don’t know what color his eyes were).  But he was awake.  Once on me he relaxed and seemed much more comfortable.

I held him for about half an hour while the Rabbi performed a naming ceremony for him.  Gabriel is his Hebrew name.  Michael held him for a little bit as well.  Miriam chose to stay in the room at times and to go out with Claudette at other times.  We gave her many chances to decide what she wanted to do.  She understood her brother was going to die and was very very upset about it.

This entire time was when my blood pressure was through the roof.  I had been getting over a cold and the crying and stress filled my sinuses and nose so I couldn’t breathe at all except through my mouth.  And then my throat started to swell up and I had trouble breathing.  I asked for oxygen and they said my sats (O2 saturation) were fine but I said give it to me anyway and they did.  It helped slightly.  The BP stuff didn’t scare me because I didn’t care at that point.  But my throat swelling did.  I did not want to not be able to say goodbye to my son.  The staff monitored me closely of course but they thought it was stress.

I did not find out until Thursday that my surgeon had given me an antibiotic during surgery that was a “cousin” to penicillin.  (I didn’t quite catch the name but it sounded like Ciprosporin.)  I told him about the throat swelling and how that is the reaction I got to amoxicillin (penicillin family) and his eyes got real big.  He said that was anaphylaxis and that I needed to add that class of antibiotics to the list of ones I couldn’t have.

When the 3 of us had said our goodbyes, we asked them to remove the ventilator.  They said we could have kept it in longer but we didn’t want William to suffer anymore and we knew there was no hope at all he would survive.  His lungs were hard and wouldn’t not inflate properly even though they were putting through pressures that were much higher than any newborn would get.  And his cord blood pH was so low that no baby ever survived it.  And the placenta was small with poor blood flow.

The neonatologist said he might live and gasp for a couple of hours, but he went in just 10 minutes.  Peacefully on my chest, in my arms.  He died with his little thumb in his mouth.  William died around 6:30am, after only 3 1/2 hours of life.

I held him for another hour or so.  My breathing improved and my blood pressure went down to insanely high but out of the danger zone (they’d cheer when it got down into the 170′s).  Michael held his body then and Claudette did briefly as well.  Miriam said goodbye but chose not to touch him.  Then they took him away and began the transfer to send me to my hospital room.

Although my doctors were still from Labor and Delivery, they put me one floor down, in Cardiac & Telemetry, in a private room.  Losing a baby is a rare occurrence in that hospital and they treated me with the utmost respect.  For my entire stay, every single person, from my nurses to the dietitian, was told what happened before meeting me.  Claudette had brought my birth plan (which had my chemical and medication restrictions listed) and my door sign, which they put up (asking perfumed people not to enter).  They also put a sign on the Purell dispenser outside my room asking people not to use before entering.

They took some care to get me unscented nurses though we had some laundry product issues.  Other staff with scent stayed away or worked with me by phone.  And the next morning Michael brought some safe liquid soap that staff used instead of the sink soap dispenser. With the door closed and the air conditioner on (the window didn’t open) my room wasn’t too bad.

I left for home Thursday late afternoon.  It’s been a difficult recovery, with lots of physical pain and a lot of work to find pain meds I tolerated that worked.  My blood pressure is still not normal but is mostly in the 140′s and 150′s now.  They gave me meds when it spiked to 161 and I spent the night feeling like half my head had been sawed off (this while being on heavy narcotics) so I know now that the recovery room migraine was caused by Labetalol (as opposed to any of the 100 other things it could have been caused by).  And I know I tolerate Toperol (anti-inflammatory) and Dilaudid (narcotic). My incision is healing well but I have welts and blisters and severe itching from the bandage adhesive.

My synagogue, Congregation Ner Shalom, was amazing and, between them and friends and family, I  had visitors and phone calls nearly around the clock, which comforted me to no end.  Being alone were the worst times, especially night and early morning. Although we had to delay the burial, we counted it as sitting Shiva.

As of Saturday afternoon.  I can get out of bed by myself (that feat took several days), use the computer, use the toilet, and stand for brief periods of time (a minute, maybe two).  I took a shower in the hospital which wiped me out and caused terrible pain.  I took one at home yesterday but needed much help with it.  Today I used a borrowed shower seat and was 95% independent.  I am eating and drinking normally.

We will meet with the neonatologist in a couple of weeks when all the test results are in.  They are waiting on some pathology slides and a chromosomal report.  But the diagnosis so far is pulmonary hypoplasia.  Or severe underdevelopment of the lungs, which were 1/10th the size they should have been.  This condition is usually secondary to other issues but, in this case, they think it is caused by a random genetic disorder, which also caused the other birth defects, and led to the failing placenta which led to my pre-eclampsia.  They say it is not related to my age or health but can happen to anyone, though it is rare.

The funeral was yesterday.  It was brutal but I needed to see him buried.  The cemetery is walking distance from our house with trees and grass.

That’s about all I have in me for now.  Thank you again to all who have visited, called, emailed, prayed, or otherwise supported us through this.  It means more than I can say.

William Gabriel Norwitz
Born and died September 28, 2009
10th of Tishrei, 5770

Goodbye my sweet boy.

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Miriam kisses her brother (22 weeks)

I had something similar during the second trimester when I was pregnant with Miriam, but this is worse.  And I’m well into the third trimester now.  Two huge increases/additions to my thyroid meds have helped, and so has being diligent about taking my supplements.  July was also a busy month, with preparations starting long before.  My brother Mike got married!  We took a trip to Los Angeles.  I helped plan the 2009 Festival of Fruit.  And California went through several heat waves.

Miriam as a flower girl at her Uncle Mike's wedding 7/19/09

So here I am, 31 weeks (7 months) into this pregnancy, and starting to feel a bit better.  Some news:  It’s a boy!!  We had an ultrasound at 20 weeks and the little sweetie was mooning us.  Even Miriam could tell his sex.  All the other measurements came out perfect too.

And, yes, we have a name picked out.  The first name comes from Michael’s family and the middle name/Hebrew name is just a name I’ve been drawn to for a long time, for unknown reasons.  We’ll announce them after he’s born.

So far, I’ve gained 20 lbs and have been craving fresh vegetables, fresh fruit, fish, and pickles (fermented/pickled anything really).  Miriam is still nursing, though usually not very much.  The house is a disaster because I haven’t been able to do any sorting and organizing like I was in the first trimester.  The plan is to get it all done before the birth (sure…).

Things are going well with our midwife and we’re still working towards a home birth with a hot tub in the living room.  I am getting backup care with the midwifery group that works at the hospital where Miriam was born.  And of course I’m getting endocrinological monitoring through-out.

Cyndi at 28 weeks

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

You can make these raw (with a dehydrator) or cooked.  I find that lower temperatures lead to a wetter bar and higher ones to a cakier one.  But the proportion of ingredients changes that up too.  If you do a very thorough blending job you end up with something like a Lara Bar, or you can leave the mix more chunky, which gives it more character.

I started using sunflower seed butter (aka sunbutter) a few months ago and discovered that they give the bars a chocolate-like look, mouth-feel, and even some taste.  Since chocolate is the worst of Miriam’s food intolerances, that’s a really cool find.

Here’s the version of this recipe I used for a submission to the baked goods, bar cookies, competition at the Sonoma County Fair last week.

Recipe:

Sunflower seed butter (sunflower seeds, cane sugar, salt), 16 oz
Raw cashews, 2 cups
Dates, 14 oz
Ginger root, fresh, 2 TB
Cinnamon, 2 tsp
Cardamon, 1 tsp
Vanilla extract (vanilla, organic alcohol), 1 TB
Sea Salt to taste
Water as needed

Don’t worry about the amounts of the main ingredients.  I used full containers so that’s what it came out as.  My sunbutter is from Trader Joe’s.  The dates are pitted deglet noor dates in a pre-packed container from Whole Foods.  You can use any kind as long as they’re fresh (don’t use dried date pieces, the ones that look like elongated pellets).  For the cashews, I just poured them into the empty sunbutter container to measure (and to scoop out residual butter).

As for the flavorings, those amounts are guesses.  I did a lot of add and taste, add and taste again.  I will note though that the batter was spiced beautifully but the bars came out very mild; the spices were in the background.  When I do it again, I’ll double (or triple) the amounts.  If they come out nice and strong I’ll call them gingerbread bars, but I was careful with the naming for the contest because I didn’t want them to be judged that way when they were so mild.

Chop the ginger root and put it in the food processor first.  You want to make sure it’s well processed.  Now add your other ingredients and blend until smooth.  If you want a chunkier bar, take some of the cashews and process them before anything else and turn out to a bowl when they’re at the right consistency.  Do this in as many batches as it takes for the size of your food processor.

Date notes: take the time to feel each one with your fingers before putting it in the processor.  I usually find one pit for every 2 containers or so.  And there are often the little end caps left on.  Just one of these things will spoil your entire batch if left in.

Ingredients in the food processor

Why add water if your goal is to bake or dehydrate out the liquid?  Because food processor motors can only handle so much and it helps the mix come together.  Don’t add too much water or baking will take forever and the bars will be overcooked and thin.  I used perhaps a cup total for this batch, which is more than I usually need but my ingredients may have been dryer than normal.  Just add a small amount at a time, as needed.  Don’t measure because the amount you need will vary based on a lot of factors.

When it’s ready, mix in a bowl if needed, and turn out into a baking pan.  You want the mix to be about 3/4 or 2/3 inches deep.  My pan was enamelled so I did nothing to it but you may want to lightly oil a less smooth pan.

Bar mix ready to go into the oven

I baked at 250*F for about an hour.  I prefer lower temps (150*F) for longer periods of time but of course I waited until evening of the night before the Fair contest to start these.  Check often for burning (if you bake at a higher temp, they are easy to overcook).  At lower temps you may need to flip them part way through to dry out the bottoms.

They came out perfect.  When I use less cashew and bake at a lower temperature I get more a fudge-like bar.  These surprised me by coming out cakey.  In fact, Michael just assumed I used flour.  They tasted like they had flour to me too.  They were still great, even if they weren’t what I expected.

I chose the six best bars for the contest.  The recipe made about 3 times this amount.  Those were good sized bars too.

Finished bars ready for Fair delivery

So…did I win anything?  Nope.  I wasn’t really expecting to.  Aside from a touch of sugar in the sunbutter, the only sweetener was the dates.  These weren’t really dessert bars, they were snack bars.  And if you were a judge tasting cookie after cookie and suddenly came upon a low-sugar one, it would taste flat to you.  I think they were delicious (and so did Miriam and Michael) but they weren’t really right for this contest.

I don’t know where I fell but there were 12 entries in the “bar cookie: other” category and I didn’t get one of the 5 prizes.

County Fair display case

These bars were great for just eating but even better heated up in the toaster oven and served under vanilla ice cream (vegan of course).

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Cyndi at 19 weeks (with Melanie in the background)

Things are going pretty well.  At 17 weeks I saw my wonderful family doctor for the last time (she’s switching to another practice, far away and doesn’t take my insurance).  I told her I was taking her up on her ultrasound offer.  I couldn’t stand it anymore, tell me how many babies are inside me!

Hooray! the answer is one.  One baby and one humongous placenta (which she said could very well account for why my uterus measures 3-4 weeks bigger than it should.  This was a low-level ultrasound with a dinky little screen so forget about finding out gender or anything else, aside from seeing that the heart was beating and the placenta was not over the cervix (very good).  We also saw little arms and legs kicking away.  We’ll have the full hospital clinic ultrasound next month.

I had mixed feelings about the idea of twins.  This is almost certainly my last pregnancy and so it’s my only chance to have 3 children.  But, really, all I felt was relief when I found out there was just one.  Much easier pregnancy and birth and not as difficult to take care of one baby as it is two.  Michael was freaking at the very idea of twins, so to say he’s relieved is an understatement.  Miriam says she would have loved twins (like some close friends of hers) but she wanted a boy and a girl.

I still get tired a lot but don’t have many full-out fatigue episodes.  I’m not able to exercise regularly again yet but I can do some.  I’ve been getting some edema (water retention) in my lower legs but my blood pressure is totally normal.  I had a lot of edema (and normal BP) with Miriam too. I’ve gained 5 lbs so far.

Below is Miriam’s favorite position, especially in the morning.  She comes and finds me on the computer, nurses in my lap, then insists on being carried to the couch.  Though between my growing belly and her growing body, I can’t really carry her much anymore.  And nursing is hurting more and more, especially after I shower, so I don’t do much beyond her morning snuggle time.  She says I still have milk though (that will likely change).

Miriam's favorite position

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

I carry big and have looked seriously pregnant for a long time.  I look about 5 months now, not barely 3 months.  But I’m far enough along that I love it.  Aside from the obvious, that was my favorite thing about being pregnant last time: I actually look thinner.  I’m an “apple” so I have a ton of excess weight in my gut but, when I’m pregnant, it blends with the baby bump and all looks like part of the same thing.  I don’t look skinny or anything but I do look like I’ve dropped a couple of dress sizes.

Cyndi at 14 weeks

I chose a midwife and have seen her twice now as we plan for a home birth.  The only negative is she isn’t very scent-free, though she’s been trying.  I can’t be in her house at all because of new carpet and fragrances.  Fortunately, she lives in the same town as me and is willing to do the visits at my house, which I greatly appreciate.

She was here at 11 weeks and used the Doppler to try to hear the baby’s heartbeat and no luck.  But she heard “placental circulation” which was good enough for me.  Plus a couple days before that I saw my MD who did a quickie internal exam and said my uterus was big like it should be.

When the midwife was here last week (normally early visits are a month apart but we started late and she wanted to give me a chance early on to hear the heart) we did the Doppler again and got a heartbeat, which was really cool, though not a surprise   I got Michael on speaker phone and he was able to hear it too.

My uterus is measuring big (as it did a couple weeks ago).  About a centimeter higher than it “should” be.  With my last pregnancy I was carrying so big I was sure I must have twins but my uterus measurements were always dead on.  This time I’m even bigger (despite weighing slightly less) and my uterus is actually “too big.”  Coupled with the higher than average HCG doubling blood tests, the midwife confirmed my suspicion that this means an increased chance for twins.  I really had to push her though because she didn’t want to quantify it.  Finally I said, okay is my chance of having twins 25%, 50%, or 75%?  She said 25%.

This is my last pregnancy almost certainly so having twins would be great because it means I can have 3 kids.  But overall, neither Michael or I really want twins.  We have friends with them and, while they’re both amazing kids and they play with each other and all, we’ve seen first hand just how much work it is.  And they have 2 parents who work at home and no other child.  The very idea of twins freaks Michael out.  I would be okay either way I think but I’m still hoping for just one.  At least if it is twins I don’t have to worry about the birth.  My midwife will still do a home birth with twins, as long as they’re at least 36 weeks.  [As a side note, no you can't really tell from the heartbeat how many there are, not at this gestational age anyway.]

So far everything looks good.  I have a lot of sudden-onset bouts of tiredness, as well as milder longer ones, and haven’t been able to exercise for a while, but overall I’m decent (you know, the usual stuff).  My lower back and hips have been hating me for a while now and I have to be careful how I sleep.  I can’t be on my stomach anymore (I don’t sleep like that; I mean for anything) and being on my back is starting to get unpleasant (not from cutting off circulation, just uncomfortable).  Wish I could get weekly bodywork.

Miriam has just been thrilled and talks to the baby (“does it have ears yet?”) and kisses my belly regularly.  At 11 weeks, the midwife gave her a plastic doll that is the size and proportions of a 12 week fetus.  She played with it, pretending to carry it in her tummy.  I told her a bit what birth was like (contractions then pushing the baby out) and she loves to emulate the experience. I explained that the pushing was kind of like a difficult poop.  Michael chimed in with “but the poop is THIS BIG” and oh did Miriam’s eyes get wide.

She’s now decided she wants to be a midwife and she is going to deliver the baby herself (“me and you mommy”).  Though she agrees the actual midwife can be there too.  Michael said, you know, when the baby comes out it’s covered in blood and goo and stuff.  Miriam answered “that’s okay, I’ll wear short sleeves.”  She’s also requested birth videos.  The ones the midwife lent us either didn’t show the birth (personal DVD) or were scratched.  So we’ll be looking around (can’t do online video well on this computer).

It’s going to be an interesting ride…

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

But then I was out of the habit of making regular posts.  It’s not for lack of material; I’ve got info for a good dozen posts, at least.  Just my own rhythms.

To get things going again, here’s an update.  This is what I look like now:

Cyndi at 11 weeks, with Miriam

What do I look…4? 5? months pregnant in that photo?  Actually, that’s all belly.  There is a baby but it’s neatly tucked away out of sight.  I’m an “apple” to begin with and then you add first trimester stomach discomfort so wearing tight clothes (like jeans with a belt) or even holding in my stomach is intensely unpleasant.  Upshot: I carry big.  With Miriam it was like a mountain, and she came out less than 6 lbs.

I am currently 11 weeks along (that’s nearly 3 months for you week-phobic folks) and due shortly before Halloween.  And, yes, I just had a birthday and turned 45.  No, that’s not a typo.

Miriam couldn’t be happier.  When we first told her she got all giddy, hugged me tight, and kissed me on the lips.  She insists it’s going to be a little sister, but of course we haven’t any idea at this point.

Stay tuned for updates as we have them.

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Some of her pictures are quite good and a few are pretty amazing.  Though for every good one, there are 50 shots of her toes, the floor, or somebody’s butt (one of her photographic obsessions…the other one being taking awkwardly posed pictures of herself that I delete directly from the camera, lest we get arrested).

None of the photos below are edited in any way.  I often crop, adjust lighting, remove red eye, and so forth for blog pictures, but not here.  Miriam is 3 years and 9 months old.  She’ll turn 4 at the end of February.

Being smaller is sometimes an advantage.  The unusual angle makes the picture. Compare this picture of Michael cutting pumpkins to the cropped and lightened version I used in the blog entry for pumpkin puree.

Michael cutting pumpkins

Miriam colored the book with chalk then composed a picture documenting it.

Miriam's aunt Connie holding a Clifford the Big Red Dog coloring

This isn’t the prettiest shot but Miriam loves her computer pictures.  And it’s one of the few photos of me that isn’t awful.

Cyndi at the computer

The cats are some of Miriam’s favorite subjects.

Hope waiting for the door to open

Miriam and her cousin Jaiden took about 100 shots with my camera the day after Thanksgiving.  This is Miriam’s best.

Cousin Jaiden

Household objects are a common theme.  My parents brought this ceramic lion home after a trip to Europe in the 1960′s.

Lion face

This styrofoam box has been colored, pitted, used as a hat, and, of course, filled with rocks.

Rocks and rubber band in a styrofoam box

One in a long series of Melanie photos (she being the most patient of the kitties).

Melanie on the couch

This is my favorite of all of Miriam’s photos.

Closeup of Melanie

Turning the camera in on herself.

Miriam self portrait

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

I’m afraid I was boring this year and brought exactly the same things I brought last year.  But, hey, why mess with success? Every dish was popular.  I picked some lovely greenery from my garden to put in vases and brought the following dishes:

Lemon cranberry sauce	Organic cranberry sauce made with lemon instead of orange.
Edamane salad with roasted red cabbage	Organic cold salad made with edamame and roasted red cabbage.
Pumpkin Pie	Organic vegan gluten-free pumpkin pie.
Cashew cream	Organic raw vegan cream made from cashews, lemon, stevia, and seasonings.

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

“Goodbye old car!  Thanks for taking good care of us all these years! We’re going to miss you!”

Miriam repeated words like this many times today.  I don’t know why I get sad when getting rid of a car.  Am I doing the right thing??  How can we just leave it here to be scrapped after it did so much for us?  Fortunately, I get over it pretty quickly.  Miriam on the other hand is maybe scarred for life.

This old car means more to Michael than it does to me.  It was a gift from his grandparents back in 1989.  Six months later, he moved to London for grad school and had to sell it.  The friend who bought it never kept up with her payments to Michael so, when they reconnected about 10 years ago, she just gave him back the car.  We were glad to have it.  My car was a stick shift (which Michael can’t drive) and his van was giving out.

Two years ago, the car failed its smog test.  We spent $700 getting it fixed.  It passed the smog test and, a few weeks later, one of the 4 cylinders died.  It wasn’t worth fixing at this point and we bought a used car as a replacement.

We found out about a program California has to take older cars off the road.  If you fail a smog test, you can turn in the car and get $1000, which is about what this car was worth running decently.  Unfortunately, you only qualify at the time of registration.  We spent two years kicking ourselves for not doing this then.  All the while we kept the car registered and insured and Michael drove it every month or so to keep the battery charged (he still had to jump it a few times).  Although you register a car yearly, you only do the smog test every two years, so we had to wait.

Our chance came a couple of weeks ago.  Michael took the car in and it failed massively, as we expected, and was labeled a gross polluter.  That’s about when we learned that the state doesn’t buy cars just for failing smog, they have to be gross polluters, and this car was not one two years ago.

Last night we stripped the car of anything loose and Michael removed the radio this morning.  Then he went to the DMV, turned in the plates, and filled out forms.  Miriam loves to ride in the car so Michael transferred her car seat and gave her one last slow ride up to Windsor, about 30 minutes away, while I followed behind them.  After endless paperwork, we got our check.

As we drove away, Miriam called out her final goodbye and insisted we each do the same.  Goodbye old car and thanks.

1989 Honda Civic Sedan

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Being a green mom I’m opposed to 1) spending lots of money on something meant to be used once and 2) buying new plastic/vinyl.  Being someone with multiple chemical sensitivities though, I’m not able to just pop into Goodwill and look for used costumes.  I didn’t want to take the time to make something either.

I found a used Superman costume on Craigslist from someone who said there was no fabric softener.  I didn’t notice a scent on it when I bought it (but then I didn’t notice the rip in the seam either) but it came out after being washed.  Miriam said it itched and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.  But it turns out she was okay if she wore clothes underneath it (which was a good idea anyway because it was cold out).  I just washed my hands after every time I touched it and had her change immediately upon coming home.

Miriam & Michael fly off to Halloween storytime at the library

Last year, her first time trick-or-treating, we found exactly one item in her bag that she wasn’t overtly allergic to and let her eat it.  She bounced off the walls for a while then gladly agreed to trade in the rest for daddy to take to work and she got to pick out a toy from a local store.

This year they went trick or treating in a more popular area so the treats were smaller.  This meant far less chocolate, her biggest allergen.  About 2/3 of the candy was chocolate, orange, or something else she reacted to (like the treat from last year, which has dairy) and it went into daddy’s bag (traces of dairy or gluten aren’t problems for her and she can eat each of those as treats once in a while, but egg, chocolate, and orange are not okay ever).

I snagged the one good thing in what was left for myself (peanut butter taffy, yum!) and she had a taste of it.  Then she got to pick one candy for herself with the caveat that we didn’t know what might have orange so she was taking a risk that she might pee her pants.  She had a sour cherry lollipop (the round junky kind with a chewy center, which made for some amusing expressions as she’s had almost no candy in her life…she now says she wants to give away all the chewy candy).  She did some bouncing around and we explained that it was the sugar (actually, it was probably mostly the artificial crap).

She is keeping crayons and a tiny joke/coloring book she received. We did take away a smartie necklace she was wearing because it was orange colored and smelled like orange.  She willingly gave it up when I told her that.  We went and washed hands and neck but she’d been wearing it for a while and did end up having to pee in the middle of the night, though no accidents.

The deal is, and she’s totally cool with it, is that she will get a toy (she was okay with my picking one out and not telling her in advance…anyone know a cheap source of a real working stethoscope?  I’ve been wanting an excuse to get her one for ages) in exchange for the candy in daddy’s bag.  As for the rest of the candy, she can keep it or exchange it for the Yummy Earth lollipops I bought her (two flavors I know are orange/grapefruit/tangerine-free…I can’t buy from the bulk bin, only separately wrapped bags of single flavors) or for another toy.  So far, she’s opted to have a Yummy Earth treat each night.

I am really happy that we could encourage her to trick-or-treat with abandon and not worry about what she was getting.  That would ruin the fun.  She still gets her treats (edible and otherwise) and she had a blast Halloween night despite the drizzle.

I stayed home…I can’t risk the cigarettes and pesticides I’m sure to encounter.  And I already had a headache.  Maybe next year I’ll go with my gas mask on and let people decide if it’s a costume.  I hate missing so much of the fun stuff in her life, but I’m grateful that, so far, she’s able to participate in them herself.

Halloween day, Michael’s office had a Survivor (TV show) dress-up theme, complete with an eat-gross-things contest.  His special treat was deep-fried crickets (“but, Cyndi, they’re not traife”).  Oh, and a big bag of chocolate.

Miriam & Michael prepare to go trick-or-treating

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Sukkot occurs 5 days after Yom Kippur, in late September or October.  It reminds us of the time when the Jews wandered in the desert in the years between leaving slavery in Egypt and entering the land of Israel.  The Sukkah (or Succah) is a temporary hut reflective of the ones carried through the desert during the Exodus.

It can be any size: big enough for one person or for a crowd.  You spend the 8 days of the holiday taking your meals in it, or sleeping there if you wish.  One wall can be a building and another is open (or partially open).  The other two are made out of just about any material.  Our two side walls weren’t as sturdy as the article linked to above say is required, but they worked.

The roof needs to be of materials grown from the ground.  We used mulberry branches from the tree in the pictures.  You should be able to see the stars but not have gaps that are too large.

I organized the Sukkah building party (for Sunday, just before the start of the holiday Monday at sundown) before I had a clue what we were going to use as materials. Then our tenant built a raised bed for my garden.  I said it was too tall and he said, no problem, I’ll just cut off the top.  When I saw the leftover wood, I knew immediately that was the Sukkah roof’s frame.  It was small but I figured it was big enough for our family to eat in and we could each spend some time standing in it for the gathering.  I also considered the mulberry tree to be an extension of the Sukkah roof.

So, here’s how we started: one wobbly wood frame, an open space in the driveway (dig that new gravel we put down a few weeks ago), an old garage door we’re painting this year (so I don’t care about screw holes), some scrap wood, the chuppah poles from our wedding (6 foot long dowels wrapped in ribbon), and some miscellaneous tools and fasteners.

Sukkah Frame

First, we reinforced the frame with some extra nails.  Then we cut some scrap wood and nailed a piece across each of the 4 corners.  This was to serve as a stop for the poles.  Next, we turned the frame over, put the poles so they were on top of the scrap wood corners, and held them to the frame with pipe clamps.  Finally, what you see in the picture, is someone pre-drilling the holes in the frame for screwing the frame to the garage.

Building the Sukkah

Did I mention that both the batteries for my electric drill and circular saw (interchangeable batteries) were dead?  Yes, I’d charged them, but they’re old.  Couldn’t find our hand saws either.   We borrowed a circular saw for the scrap wood but had to use hammer and nails for the hole pre-drilling and brute strength to screw the frame to the garage door.

Putting the Sukkah up

We did it!  Our Sukkah was a 4′x8′ wooden frame screwed to a garage.  With 6′ poles on all corners, helping support the weight and create the structure.  A friend loaned us the clothes for the two side walls and I tacked an old sheet up for the back wall.  The floor was an old area rug and we covered the roof with freshly cut mulberry branches.

The round glass-top table was inside the Sukkah most of the time but we pulled it out for our celebration potluck Wednesday night.  We added some more tables to hold food and other items.

Our Sukkah decorations were minimal but we had some Stars of David Miriam made in Synagogue over the High Holy Days, beeswax candles from Bloomfield Bees, and half a dozen pumpkins from Peterson’s Farm.

Our dinner was the cornbread challah I invented for the occasion, ceviche, a couple of salads, wine and seltzer.

Celebrating Sukkot

All in all, I’m very proud of our Sukkah (and no telling me how pathetic it was…it doesn’t look like the pictures you see in books but it met the religious requirements and was a lot of fun).  Maybe soon all those bricks will be my long-dreamed of patio and we’ll eat outside all year round.

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

Indian Mary Park
Uninc Josephine County, Oregon
7100 Merlin Galice Rd, Merlin OR 97532
(541) 474-5285
Connected to the Oregon State Park system but run separately, through the county.
http://www.co.josephine.or.us/Page.asp?NavID=491

Directions: Take I-5 North or South to Exit 61. Go under the freeway and turn left on Merlin Galice Road, which turns into Merlin Road, for about 3.5 miles. Merlin Road turns slightly left and becomes Galice Road.  Continue another 7 miles to the Park entrance on the right.

A friend of ours goes there every year with a large organization that reserves a block of spots near the Rouge River and provides all the meals.  And for that sort of trip, this place would be awesome.  The river is gorgeous and the park has a communal feel because all the sites are very close together.

Miriam at the Indian Mary boat launch

Unfortunately, we weren’t with a group and the closeness of the campsites was overwhelming.

Our tent in the middle of several campsites

That’s us in the middle with an RV to the far left, an empty site to the immediate left, three sites behind us, and one RV to the right.

Between the stifling heat (98 degrees in early evening) and being surrounded by cigarette smokers, I ended up with a fall down asthma attack in the center grassy area at the front of the picture (beyond it is the bathrooms) while trying to escape the smoke.  I had my oxygen tank but not my inhaler and Michael was off with Miriam at the playground.

Fortunately, I was able to call for help and, after several tries, some folks (including a paramedic) heard me and got my inhaler and my family.  Miriam cared less about the fact that mommy was sick than about the fun of getting to ride in the park’s golf cart.  The smokers near to us were very kind and all said they wouldn’t smoke near us anymore.  And they didn’t.  But the damage was done.  I was fragile over the next couple of days and had trouble walking any distance.

Before the attack, we managed to get our borrowed tent up (first time since the dry run at home).  This was my first time dealing with a tent, or camping at all, in over 20 years.  Michael had never done real camping.  It was Miriam’s first time.  Not the greatest (re)introduction.

It only took us half an hour to get this baby up

The night went more smoothly.  I had chosen an RV site vs a plain tent site because the former had electrical hookups and water and we had an electric cooler.  The tent sites weren’t very different or less crowded.

Our campsite

We ate from the cooler, went to bed, roasted, took off the rain flap, roasted slightly less, tried to block out the partying around us, and fell asleep mostly hating the place.

Then it was morning.

Morning at Indian Mary is magical.  Everyone else was asleep, the air was cool, and Miriam wanted to see the river.

Rouge River in early morning

Once we were away from the campsites, the air at the park was very clean and fresh.  They don’t use pesticide at the park and they only use herbicide once in a while at the boat launch (most recently 3 or so months earlier).  I walked slowly because my legs were still unsteady and my lungs not at full capacity.  We made our way to the top of the riverbank, where Miriam, naturally, had to stop for some blackberries.

Miriam picking blackberries along the Rouge River

Then to the boat launch where she expressed her deep down desire to go fishing (one she has repeated dozens of times since…some day little one).

Miriam for a morning walk and yoga pose in her jammies

Then of course we had to make our way to the playground, where her visit the day before had been cut short.  We couldn’t stay long because the other campers were waking up and the cigarette smoke began to waft over.

Children's playground at Indian Mary Park

Unless I came with a very large, smoke and bug-spray-free, group, I can’t see myself returning.  As solo campers who wanted to sleep early and weren’t interested in socializing (drinking beer around the campfire with strangers), this was completely the wrong spot.  For someone with asthma and MCS, it was a nightmare.

Nominally, the park is pretty safe.  No pesticides, almost no herbicide, no air freshener in the bathrooms (they told me they use strong smelling cleaning products but we must have been there between cleanings because it wasn’t a problem).

The bathrooms have flush toilets and small shower stalls with tiny changing areas.

There is the playground for the kids plus lots of flat grassy areas, a Frisbee (disc) golf course, volleyball, horseshoes, and a place to boat and fish.  We were there on a Thursday night in mid-August so there were plenty of free spaces, though it was mostly full.  The better sites were of course taken.

Take a look on the map.  We were in site 74.  If I went again with a child, I’d want site 46 (preferably the entire surrounding chunk).  The map is somewhat misleading because those distances are actually quite close (it’s also not entirely to scale).  Many other park maps look similar on paper but they fit half as many campsites in the same space.  From us in 74 to the smokers/partiers in 85 was about 20 feet.  You can see their white car behind and to the left of us in the two site pictures above.

We packed up and got on the road by mid-morning.  On to another two nights of camping.

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.

This year, a first-night seder on April 19, 2008, wasn’t the most stressful, but it was the weirdest.  All the food came out well but, otherwise, everything that could have gone wrong did.

I always find dietary and other restrictions to be a challenge (in a fun competitive sense) and I pride myself on creating a safe space for all of my guests, with food they can eat (perhaps not everything, but a decent meal).  But this year pushed me to the brink.

We had our own restrictions: no meat, nothing that Miriam is allergic to (she can get sick from crumbs and I want her to have a few days a year with other people where she can eat anything she wants), no chemical products on the guests, etc, but they’re seamless for us.  And we can still have a full seder.

(In foreground: matzoh plate next to my seat; in background: the main table with Miriam (brown dress), her Aunties Connie and Jan (holding babies), 3 other friends, and Grandma Julie standing at right.  The note on the door to our bedroom warns people not to open it, since that’s where the kitties spent the evening.)

This year, due to medical issues with guests, we had to leave the doors and windows wide open but couldn’t turn on the heat, we couldn’t light our candles (beeswax even), we couldn’t take photographs (except when the reactive guest left the room, so my food and other photos are lacking), we had two guests who invited themselves at the last minute (and one arrived scented and had to scramble to change clothes and wash-up), dinner was completely out of order and late, we had 4 (yes, four) cancellations the day of the seder, there were 2 guests who simply didn’t show up (medical emergency and they had a bad email address for me), oh and we nearly killed one guest (her fish allergy, which we always managed to accomodate in the past by being careful, was far worse that day, and we did more last minute cooking than usual, which made for more fumes)

Add to that the fact that I dropped a few of the usual rituals and customs to save time, but then ended up with even more gone due to the above restrictions.  We didn’t start with eating hardboiled eggs like we have in most years, due to Miriam’s allergy.  Two years in a row now I’ve had the idea of using whole walnuts instead, but then I can’t find any.  We skipped the handwashing and didn’t sing a single song.  And the post meal sections got lost entirely.  No Elijah’s cup, which I’m still upset over.  We only did the hunt for the affikomen.  It felt more like a dinner party than a seder.

Oy.

We were supposed to have 20 guests (including 5 children) but, with all the additions and subtractions, we ended up with 16 (including 4 children).  Three were new to our seder (2 had never been to any seder).

We had two tables.  The main one is our regular dining room table.  Michael always sits there, at the end furthest from the kitchen.  Then we move a buffet and desk back to add another table.  I always sit at this one, in the chair nearest the kitchen (behind the wood doors to the right).

(Main table to left has Grandma Julie (white shirt) and 2 friends; secondary table has my cousin Sara next to Miriam (visiting from the other table) and 3 friends)

Ritual Foods:

Oat flour matzoh
Horseradish
Parsley
Wine
Grape juice
Charoset
Salt water
Roasted beet (an ancient alternative to a roasted lamb shank)
Roasted egg

(Seder Plate: Parsley, horseradish root, roasted egg, roasted beet, salt water, charoset)

Dinner Menu:

Beet borscht
Gefilte fish
Mushroom and olive compote
Baked yams
Pan seared roasted halibut with rosemary
Drinks: Wine (red & white), grape juice, water, seltzer, lemon slices
Dessert: Macadamia Nut Torte

(Connie offers a toast)

(Sara gets Miriam some yams, as a friend looks on)

©2012 Norwitz Notions. All Rights Reserved.